I sit on the couch and stare at the letter in my hand for the fiftieth
time in the last week. It's no use;
there's no way around it. I'm going to have to ring her. Crap.
The letter is from my mother. Most of it is, by anyone's standards,
fairly nondescript. There are no
terrible revelations about the family, no one's died, I don't have
a long lost half brother… It's just
general news and gossip, and I'm not worried about that. What I am
worried about is in the second
half of the letter. It's an invitation. To a family gathering. For
me and my partner. Sigh.
Yes folks, it's the dreaded "meeting the parents" scenario. I lean back
and stare at the telephone,
which not-surprisingly sits there and refuses to do anything amusing.
It's not as though I didn't know
I'd have to deal with this sooner or later. Heck, I've already met
Hartley's parents; we had dinner at
their house (though 'mansion' would probably be a better word for it).
I remember sitting at an
enormous table eating obscenely expensive foods. His father discussed
the latest share report, I sat
there nodding and trying to look as though I understood what the heck
he was saying, and Hartley
sat at the end of the table looking like an eager student trying to
impress his favourite teacher.
Afterwards we sat in the drawing room while his mother showed me embarrassing
baby photos and
I tried to make my retail job sound a lot more interesting than it
actually was. The whole thing was a
complete nightmare. It was terrible. And it was one of the best "parent
meetings" I've ever had the
pleasure to attend. When it comes to this, I've had a rotten record.
I can only hope that this one goes
as well, and I know for certain that it won't unless I ring her up
and at least warn her beforehand.
I've been trying to gather the courage for the last week.
I sigh again. The phone still isn't doing anything interesting, I've
just read the letter over for the
fifty-second time and I've been sitting here for nearly half an hour
without achieving anything. That's
it. To say I'm not actually relishing this conversation is an understatement,
but I've got to get it over
with sooner or later. I stand up, lift up the handset and dial the
number.
The phone seems to be ringing an awful long time. Maybe… and then there's a click. Darn.
"Hello?"
Don't let how nervous you are show. Just act natural…
"Hi Mum, It's James…"
"James! It's wonderful to hear from you! Honestly, we haven't talked
in weeks. What have you
been doing with yourself? Did you get my letter?"
"Yes, yes, I got it. It's nice to hear you too Mum, honest. I'm sorry
I haven't rung, I've been awfully
busy."
"Too busy to talk to your poor old Mum" I can hear her tutting. "I tell you, children these days…"
I allow myself a small smile. At least she seems to be in a good mood.
"Actually mum, your letter was what I've actually rung about. The family dinner and everything…"
"Oh yes. You can come? I'd love to see you dear, and I haven't even met your current beau…"
And here we go.
"Uh, yeah, I actually wanted to talk about that, Mum."
A note of puzzlement… "Yes?"
"Well, I sure we'd love to come to the party and all, there's just,
well, there's just something I feel I
should probably tell you about beforehand…"
She cuts in with a slightly chastising tone. "Now honestly James, if
this is about the fact that you're,
well, that you're practicing a homosexual lifestyle, I've already told
you, you’re my son and I'll stick
beside you whatever your decisions are…"
"No, Mum, it's not that. I mean, thanks but it's just, it's more…" Oh
great, how am I going to put
this? "Err, listen. You know the Flash, right?"
Now she really sounds puzzled. "The Flash? Well of course, I mean… Good
Gracious! You're not
going out with him. I didn't even know he…"
Arrggghh! "No, no Mum! I didn't mean that. I'm not, he's not… No, Wally's
quite happy with Linda
at the moment. I didn't mean it like that…"
"Wally? You sound as if you know him…"
Bing! And here's another thing I've conveniently not told her yet.
"Umm, well actually I kinda do."
"You know the Flash!? Well that's marvellous! Gracious James, why on earth didn't you tell me?"
"Well, it's kind of messed up with everything else and I…" I think I'm
beginning to sound a tad
desperate at this point. "Look Mum, just… just listen, okay? Look,
if you've heard of the Flash,
you've heard of his Rogue's Gallery too, haven't you?"
The puzzlement has come back in spades. "Err, yes."
"Right. And you've heard of the Pied Piper? You, know, the one who used
to use all the musical
instruments."
There's a slight pause. "I… Yes. James, what are you…"
I take a deep breath. And here it comes. "Well, he's kind of, I mean
he's totally reformed now, and
he's been using his skills for good and he's really a nice guy, honestly,
and I kind of met him a few
months ago and we really hit it off and, well… that's who my partner
is Mum." I bite my tongue and
cross my fingers and wait.
The pause is a lot longer this time. "…So. What you're basically trying
to tell me James, is that your
current boyfriend is an ex-supervillian."
"Very ex. Really, really, totally very ex. There's no way that
he'd ever do anything… I mean,
honestly, totally, I promise."
Another pause. They're really beginning to wreck my nerves by this point.
"Well… well… Is he…
nice?"
Despite everything, I manage a small smile. "He's great Mum, honest."
"And is he good to you?"
"Very. The best."
"Oh."
There's another awkward pause and then I hear her take the deep breath
of someone who's just
been told something totally bizarre and who is going to pretend that
they aren't at all disturbed by it
even though in actual fact it's going to take at least a week for them
to fully come to terms with the
whole situation. I've heard it before. Don't ask.
"Well then. So. Has he got any dietary problems that I should take into
account when I'm making the
dinner?"
Dietary Problems. I can't help it. I start to laugh, partly out
of relief and partly because that's such a
typically motherly thing to say it's absurd.
"Now James, don't tell me you're laughing at your poor old mother."
There's a touch of humor
behind her voice. Thank goodness.
"Of course not Mum, I'm just, I…" I'm smiling like a loony at the moment,
but that's beyond the
point. "Mum?"
"Yes dear?"
"Have I told you lately how much I love you?"
"Not lately dear." Then softer. "I love you too James. Whatever you
do with your life. Remember
that." I can hear the emotion behind her voice. I dearly wish she were
here, just so I could hug her.
"I know Mum. Umm, listen. I have to go now but I promise we can catch
up properly at the get
together. I'll be there with Hartley. No problem."
"Well then, I'll see you there. I'm quite looking forward meeting him. He sounds… interesting."
"That's an understatement. Bye Mum, and Mum?"
"Yes dear?"
"Thanks"
"What are mothers for? Goodbye, dear. I'll see you there."
Then she hangs up. I did it. I did it and she didn't freak out or go
nuts at me or anything like that.
Good lord. I'm practically dizzy with relief. I throw myself back on
the couch and lean back and
close my eyes. Talk about a weight off my back.
I'd been lying there for all of 2 minutes when there's the sound of
a key in the lock. I open my eyes.
Perfect timing.
"Oh hi. You were being awfully quiet. I would have rung the doorbell if I'd known you were home."
I cover a smile. Hartley hates silence. You can guarantee that whenever
he's home there will either
be an insidiously loud appliance, radio channel or experimental device
that you probably don't want
to touch on somewhere about the house. Since that's what he always
does, he tends to assume that if
there's no sound in the house there can't possibly actually be anyone
in it. "Jeez, sorry for not resting
in a louder manner. How was it down at the shelter?"
"Oh you know, average. Fistfights, starving people, cute kids whose
mothers can't afford to provide
them with proper hygiene."
Ouch. It must have been a bad day. He looks exhausted.
He sighs and flops down on the couch next to me. "So how was your day?"
"Much better than yours, it sounds like. How would like to meet my parents?"
"Really? Cool. What's the occasion?"
"Oh, you know, just the standard get together. It's on the 18th for
lunch. A few hours drive, but we
should be able to get there and back in a day with no problems. Hang
on, here's the letter." I fish it,
turn it to the pertinent bit and watch as he skims it over. "Mum's
looking forward to meeting you."
Okay, it's not exactly what she said but…
"It sounds great. I'm in." Then he looks up and grins at me. "You know,
I can't help but notice that
this is dated a quite a while back. This wouldn't be the reason that
you've been acting so jumpy
the last few days would it?"
Oh crap. I hate living with someone who's so observant. How am I supposed
to tell him that I've
been so nervous about admitting to my family that I'm in a relationship
with him? I mean, lets face it,
it is pretty insulting.
Crap. Jeez.
I don't need this, especially not just after the phone call with Mum.
At least with her I actually had
some idea of what I was going to say. And he's bound to be offended
by it, he's so sensitive like
that.
I know I should be honest about the whole thing, but my mind goes blank,
and I end up blurting out,
"Well of course not. Why would I be jumpy about introducing them to
you?" That was smooth. Like
he's not going to know I was lying about that.
He raises an eyebrow and looks skeptical. Darn, darn, darn. It's times
like I wonder I'm putting so
much effort into this whole relationship.
And then, just when I think the day's gone on a downturn for the worst,
he smiles at me, winks and
says, "Well gee, I don't know. Whatever was I thinking?" And then he
leans forward and kisses me.
And all I can think is Oh yeah. That's why.