Sunday Junk Mail
I’m one of the silent minority who likes junk mail. Never will my letterbox be adorned with one of those stickers, I like to come home and see it straining under the weight of catalogues. They are perfect for flipping through whilst eating a solitary meal or listening to that infernal Chopin prelude on call waiting.
I like their solid, bright colours and the opportunities these catalogues are offering me. Everything from hams, athletic footwear, clean carpets, front loading washing machines. All could be mine!
Whilst the pre and post Christmas period was best for junk mail (I could have constructed a series of pinatas from the amount of paper involved), every Sunday at least a handful of it is deposited in the letterbox. Sunday, February 6th was no exception.

Foot Locker pamphlet
"Kick Butt!" reads the pamphlet, which is advertising football boots. Amongst the pictured boots is "a running shoe disguised as a football boot" for those who want to fool people that they play football, and a "low maintenance" boot for people who don’t have a lot of time to listen to their boots’ problems. The silliest boot name is the "Nike Totalissimo II", which sounds like the hired assassin of the football boot world.

KFC "Wicked Deals" pamphlet "Be Tempted". Would you want to eat something called "Wicked Wings"? They look like dust mite excrement enlarged fifty thousand times, but are apparently "the ultimate finger food". And wings. Who would want to eat wings? Who looks at birds in flight and salivates, besides hunting hounds?
I find KFC quite repulsive, especially those meal deals where you get chicken, chips, potato and gravy, coleslaw and Sara lee desserts. That sounds like the ingredients for a potent glue that would solidify in one’s stomach and require surgery to remove. All for $16.95.
As usual the pamphlet is divided up into coupons. Who gets the scissors out and cuts around the coupons and makes a special journey to KFC? I always feel silly on the rare occasions I use a coupon, like I’m incredibly stingy.>br>

Coles Catalogue
Supermarket catalogues are my favourite. For someone who loves packaging and likes to take the time to closely investigate individual objects, every square in the supermarket catalogue holds a new delight. A breadroll, frankfurts, a bottle of juice, displayed in their simple glory.
Although I browse the Coles catalogue thinking about which products I might buy, I usually forget by the time I reach the supermarket, which is a dazzling sensory experience for me. I can’t think straight amongst those soothing aisles, the fluorescent lights, the chirpy radio, dodging other determined shoppers.
Perusing the catalogue at home, however, I make a mental list of the most appealing specials. This week they are: Helga’s Bread (save 94c), Arnott’s chocolate biscuits (save 58c), IXL conserve (save 50c), Vitasoy (save 51c), Queen Adelaide wine (save $2.50 – must admit I thought of stocking up. Classy!) Of course next time I’m at the supermarket I’ll emerge with Lindt balls, flavoured tea and a jumbo jar of olives, but it’s nice to feel like I’ve sensibly planned my grocery shopping.
My favourite item in this catalogue is the "Susan Day Lemon Cr�me or Swiss Rollettes 6 pack" for $1.98, because it has a little yellow rectangle slapped across the corner that reads "while stocks last". Quick! There’s been a run on the rollettes!

Woolworths Super Savers
Similar to the Coles catalogue really, however there isn’t a conveniently located Woolworths so often I avoid looking at the catalogue, for fear there will be a particularly tempting special I won’t be able to access.
The Woolworths catalogue makes more use of themes, such as Valentines Day and Chinese New Year. I’ve realised that Woolies is your one stop shop for romance. Why, the ardent lover can purchase a miserable looking message bear with "Princess" printed on its stomach, a "Grey Flannel" designer perfume gift pack (would it smell like dirty washcloths?) and some Ducd’O Truffles! Sheesh! I’d prefer some 84c reduced Sakatas, $4.95 copy paper and a 3 litre daily juice. I’m not actually joking, the Christmas that Tim and I bought each other grocery items was fabulous.
The Chinese New year section has everything from those 33c Mi Goreng instant noodles (hardly celebratory) to pre-packaged "oriental leaves" for those who can’t be bothered with the time consuming and tricky preparation of bok choy. The next page is completely weight watchers, products I’ve never given much thought to before. The blue and white Weight Watchers label (indicating the blue skies of freedom that low fat food will inspire?) is slapped on everything from apple crumble to shaved leg ham. Imagine visiting your valentine with your message bear etc. and glancing into the pantry and seeing it filled with Weight Watchers. How would you feel? There’s even a double spread entitled "Especially for Lent". Those Woolworths people really know their calendar.

ABC Seamless Pty Ltd

Hmmmm. What is ABC Seamless? It is one of those companies that could conceivably sell anything. Seamlessness is desirable in so many ways. In this case, it is guttering. Guttering doesn’t get me excited, but I did like the many little diagrams on this pamphlet and the specific language. There’s something exciting, even quite sexy about specific language.
Do I know what "Ogee, Fascia, Quad and Box Gutter" means? No! Do I want to know? No! Do I want to marvel over the words? Yes!