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    Thought For The Day (or Night)

    My Goal For This

    I will reserve this place on my web site to share any thoughts I may have original or not that are particularly pertinent of the day (or night).

    My Thought For Today - 15 October, 2003

    Please follow this link for a continuation of My Thought For Today.

    My Thought For Today - 14 October, 2003

    A few thoughts for the day

    Thought No. 1

    Project organisations are those primarily concerned with providing project management services to another part of the organisation or in an outsourcing situation provide that service to clients of their parent organisation. How does one reform, transform deformed, malformed project organisations that as currently structured provide fertile ground for the application of insane project management principles or the misapplication of sane project management techniques. As I am a pioneer in the field of sane project management, then I doubt very much they would even pay lip service to Sane Project Management (SPM) principles simply because they don't know what they are. The approach is to break the project organisation and then rebuild it. If you live in one of those insane organisations and are about to have a breakdown, then please call me. I have been in that situation before and can certainly help. If you are the manager of the manager of the manager of the project organisation, then I can help your organisation before it destroys its staff in insane, punishing, crazy, mad, killing, murderous and outrageous projects and schedules. Apply the principles of the French Revolution, lop the aristos (all managers, supervisors and program managers), flatten the structure, no hierarchies whatsoever and employ new people, the composition of which I will describe further as a work in progress of my book simply entitled Sane Project Management (SPM) - A Life Coaching Approach.

    Thought No. 2

    There is a term called wish hearing or bias of expectation. That when applied to life coaching means that the client will hear what he wants to hear or will hear what his expectations have programmed him to hear. As a Life Coach one must be aware of this phenomenon and not exacerbate this by saying what you think the client wants to hear. By all means be honest but be careful, be tactful and above all operate safely. This will be part of a future Tips and Techniques I am calling Safe Life Coaching Techniques, written principally for the practicing Life Coach.

    Thought No. 3

    I today received a one note word of thanks from a client I am currently coaching - "Thanks for shedding some light!!!". I like to think that I am doing some good, but it is only after a tremendous amount of thought and understanding and soul searching inside oneself that one is able to truly help someone else. Can this depth of understanding of appreciation be taught? I don't know because my gift comes from a mixture of being my father's son and spending 35 years or so being taught, coached and supported by him. He showed me the way the "how" to delve inside people safely and help them to great heights and efforts by understanding blockages to moving on, to happiness, to achieving greatness, to achieving one life's goal and mission.

    My Thought For Today - 13 October, 2003

    A few thoughts for the day

    Thought No. 1

    This site may be used in self-help mode at a superficial level. But for the uninitiated, you use the advice and other information at your own risk and responsibility. Please see my Terms and Conditions if you are unsure. Now that we have that out of the way, I can see this web site being useful in a number of areas. Firstly it contains my life coaching philosophy in Life Coaching Tips & Techniques area. This is my own original work gathered and thought about intensely and deeply over the last 30 or so years. Secondly where it has occurred I have illuminated the philosophy with some practical examples both from my life experience and what I have learnt from others in normal every day life, from corporate settings and in coaching practice. There are not many life coaching web sites that approach this either in the breadth and depth that I have gone into. By using this web site, essentially you are using the web site for free, which if it works for you is great. If you do use this web site in that fashion and it works for you, please let me know how it is helping you and a word of thanks would be really appreciated. But note the opening statement, I believe using the web site in self-help mode will only be helping you slightly, at an intellectual and conscious level only. The way I practice Life Coaching it is more than that much more and takes a very much fuller, deeper view of the person than mere intellectualism.

    Thought No. 2

    Have you ever had a personal problem that was really troubling you deeply, perhaps with distressing psychosomatic symptoms, that really made your life miserable but that you were unable to resolve on your own. The pain was of such intensity that it made you totally forget the cause leaving you to cope with the pain as best as you can. This intense pain can cause depressive episodes and make you see life not in its proper perspective. This is especially troublesome where the sequelae of the problem manifests itself in (real) physical manifestations of varying discomfort, pain and intensity. Identification (cause) then resolution (even though some time away) of the personal problem will also resolve the psychosomatic symptoms. That cry of "eureka" will be like the lancing of a boil or abscess on your butt, slight pain of the cut but wonderful lasting relief. You can spend some time (months maybe years) suffering needlessly or you can seek help or the solution can come to you. You will find the real cause has been hidden from you by your subconscious. As a result a solution is very very far away. Talking to someone very intelligent and perceptive can be of tremendous help, a family friend or other support person. You can also try to resolve it on your own but you will find that the psychosomatic symptoms are keeping you so busy that you do not have the time or energy to concentrate on finding the cause that has been deliberately hidden from you. The pain from this can be so debilitating that this (coping mechanism) rather than saving you from the awful truth (which you are trying to hide from yourself) is making your daily life a nightmare of gargantuan proportions.

    Thought No. 3

    A first or second date is the closest most of us during a lifetime will come close to an interrogation of our life, our life motives, our current direction, whether there is room in your life for another person, if not now then whether at some point that could be so, our prospects, our fortune, our loyalty, our courage. It is in fact a full assessment and audit of our lives and carried out by the opposite sex for the sole purpose of determining future suitability for more serious and permanent endeavours. Guys you thought this was about sex and whether she found you attractive or not. How wrong you can be. You cannot be more wrong. Girls you may ask what the right questions to ask and guys what are the right answers? I don't think there is any right or wrong questions or answers. A lot of this communication is done at a level lower than the conscious so in a way your questions or answers are immaterial. It is more about your body language when asking or replying to a question. You can counter or falsify your body language but there is not much point in that as the truth always comes out in the wash. What are some typical trick questions? You seem like a real fun guy cool. Interpretation you're still wasting time (and probably will waste mine too) and not even thinking of settling down, not a serious prospect. You're studying accountancy? Great. Interpretation this is a guy I can rely on one day, perhaps not now and when I do he will be a steady partner uninteresting, unexciting maybe but a mortgage payer and go to work regular and for my fun I'll have some fun on the side he won't know.

    Thought No. 4

    Based on my current weight (98 kilos) and my goal weight (80 kilos), my personal Everest to conquer weighs exactly 18 kilos. It doesn't seem like much but if you have had a look at my web page on body image, 18 kilos is a gargantuan weight and will require a huge effort to shift. This is not based just on the amount of exercise required to shift that weight (it is well nigh impossible to do it by exercise alone anyway) but the reduction in calorie (energy) intake required. By reduction I mean sacrifices of all the yummy things I like to consume like cakes, cream, dessert, alcohol, chocolates. I think my page on Body Image makes clear that every step of the way is marked by pledges and promises made and broken. As it makes clear, coming up with the idea to do something about the weight is one thing, putting it into practice every single day and night for the rest of the program and rest of our life is almost too difficult. But the point I make is everyone must in living their lives make promises to themselves to reach their personal Everest. Live at Base Camp at all times and make the forays up Everest at the appropriate times when you are ready and prepared.

    Thought No. 5

    If a previous love affair or romance or relationship is now over and you find yourself unable to move on, then there are ways to tackle your problem. In terms of my life coaching principles, a failure to move on from a broken relationship is evidence that you have not affected a satisfactory closure of that episode in your life. In my terms, you have had a failure at climbing the mountain, you survived the attempt (barely) and escaped with your life (just) and instead of retreating just back to Base Camp ready for your next summit attempt (romance, relationship if you will), you have so far retreated into yourself that you can be considered 20,000 kilometres away from base camp hidden down a dark mine shaft never to see the light of day (of romance) ever again. Your feeble attempts to go back to Base Camp (or what you last knew it as viz. your last relationship) is dooming you to repeat the same mistakes again. But not only that but by exposing yourself again to the situation or person that caused you so much hurt (without having resolved the initial headlong escape) will only cause you more hurt and do you more harm.

    Thought No. 6

    Grief - A Life Coaching Perspective

    Grief is one of those powerhouse emotions and feelings that can overwhelm a person in its initial days. You are caught in an impossible position. You can't stay in the position where the grief is at its strongest, you can't retreat away from that position and really there is no third position to go to. By third position I mean if you're not in the vortex of the grieving emotion (position 1) and you're not running away from that (position 2) is there a third position that is neither in the vortex nor escaping? The point I am making is that there is not much point escaping the grief because failure to acknowledge, suffer the grief will condemn one to relive it over and over and over. Escaping from the grief though a very attractive option at the time, is not a healthy option in the long run as the grief will tend to stay around longer, the longer one delays dealing with the full force of its fury. This is a tornado one cannot and shouldn't avoid. By all means seek help to lessen the impact of the tornado but do not try to avoid it. If you try and ensure the vortex, then there is no need for a third position. The second position (running away) I have already described an untenable. Run now and you will be running for the rest of your life. Is there a safe third position? A sort of purgatory of grief and suffering where being there is not doing you any harm (that is, you are not running away) and you are close to the source of the grief (in the vortex of pain and suffering but doing so with help and safety)?

    My Thought For Today - 12 October, 2003 Take 2

    In the tradition of tilting at windwills I am having another stab at describing the creative process. By the way, if there is a book that tells you how to be creative, then I'd love to hear about it. But I will describe my creative process as I best understand it. It probably differs for each person but how that is the question. This is how it works for me.

  • The soil of creativity is the body of knowledge I have acquired (or are about to acquire) about a certain subject that I wish to develop certain new ideas about. One has to be aware of the past as this is not only a departure point, it is not only the receptor sites for your ideas (to borrow a pharmacological term) but its fundamental principles provide a backdrop for your ruminations and one you should be aware of. To explore new territory one goes from the known to the unknown.

  • With this body of knowledge alone, one is a student only. To make real progress and become a master one must develop the field in different, new and perhaps unusual directions. How does one do this? To be creative in an existing field is a difficult challenge to pose yourself. To actually invent a new field of knowledge itself may require a spark out of the ordinary, a stroke or flash of inspiration or something cataclysmic that opens up a new field of endeavor. This is, of course, of your own doing, out of your efforts. To help the creative process, you must become the catalyst for the chemical and neurological reactions that result in creativity. In other words, don't wait for it to come. Go to it, search for it. Put yourself in the best position to find it and to take advantage of it when it occurs. This resonates with one of my key principles of life coaching.

  • One must have the confidence and courage to know that the ideas that one comes up with will not be ridiculed. So the new ideas must be solidly grounded in fundamentals, in theory and in practice. They must make sense and be consistent with the body of knowledge unless it is something so radical that you are inventing, describing a new field altogether.

  • One must come up with new ideas. How does this happen? For me, I focus on something or on an area that is small enough that one can safely carry around in one's head. Everything I do during the day I try to use to illuminate that area. I shine the light of experience on that area minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day until the solution presents itself. But I don't wait for it as much as help it along by nourishing it regularly.

  • Feed your creative process. Feed your muse. By always reading of your select field. Read about problems, difficult, intractable problems. Read about possible solution approaches. Discuss with colleagues, peers and a coach if you have one. The coach doesn't need to be an expert in this area but it may help. Or you may engage a coach that specialises in this area. For example if your field is IT or Project Management, then get a coach who is also an IT specialist or project manager.

  • Reread your fundamental materials and look for areas not fully covered in that. Can you add something of value there? or is there an area not covered at all that should be? Does this new area synthesise with the existing body of knowledge?

  • Think deeply about your new contribution. Does the theory work? But more important is a practical solution? Does it work in practice or can it be made to work in practice?

  • As an aside, what is the best method for inspiring creativity in an organisational setting? Can one institutionalise creativity and make it the sole domain of large organisations? The large pharmaceutical companies are brilliant at this, what is their secret? Is it employing lots and lots of mini entrepreneurs and inventors who virtually run their own ships?

    My Thought For Today - 12 October, 2003

    I wonder if the people around you really appreciate your value your worth your support to them. You know you realise you are a treasure to them but do they realise it? Will they ever realise it? The thing is that people take for granted everything that comes their way including everything you do over and above the call of family love and duty. It is especially true in those situations where you give and give and give and all they do is want more and more and more. I never realised the value of my dad until he died and probably even then I did not realise his importance to me and the part he played in my life in my well being for a number of years afterwards. It took many years of grief counselling to begin to look at this rationally without lots of pain and regret and misery.

    I don't think if you are the one giving and giving that there will ever be any adequate recompense in the sense of recognition for your efforts your travails your devotion and duty to your family and also friends I would say. Your only consolation is that the people who you are giving and giving to will have a sudden realisation of your worth when you are no longer giving or are dead. Is there something you can do about this whilst you are still around? Yes I think.

    Hold back and not give so much of yourself in a sacrificial fashion do what you have to do and no more! Be around less be available less be less generous then and only then will people begin to understand your finite capacity and the fact that the support you currently provide and anything over and above that, will end yes, but its continuation now is dependent on you receiving recognition and understanding of what it took and what it takes each and every day to reach deep inside you to provide.

    The point is you have to be recognised now for the value and support you provide especially above the roof, food on the table type of scenario. To provide stuff over and above that you have to reach deep inside your reserves. In a lot of cases, people just do not bother as reaching deep inside each and every time becomes tiring especially when it becomes taken for granted. That must be one of the causes of the 40% divorce rate.

    My Thought For Today - 11 October, 2003

    Running on a treadmill does tend to focus the mind on the essentials of existence. After some time on the treadmill all you can think of is how to hang on for a little bit longer through the pain barrier. In my case after about 15 or 20 minutes all I am is a gasping rasping lung from head to toe (with apologies to Rienhold Messner kinda of his words).

    It is a good idea to work out the difference between pain caused by an injury and soreness caused by just normal training. My ignorance of this fact led me to receiving a minor injury which developed with further training into something that caused me a lot of pain and forced me to stop running for about three months. I had healed after about six weeks but the fear of another or the same injury stopped me from running for another six weeks after that. That injury was a medial ligament sprain. If you have had it you will know what I mean by agony.

    The physical injury was bad enough but the fear engendered by it that is of replicating the behavior that led to it is a tremendous disincentive to get back in the saddle or back on the bike if that is more your thing.

    I also worked out a weird correlation between my weight and the years between 1980 and 2003. Up till about the early eighties or so my weight was pretty steady at around 65-70 kilos. Around that time, I was an aerobics instructor, a dance instructor and also took many many dance classes (classical, jazz, modern). But from about 1983 or so when I stopped that activity my weight ballooned from 70 kilos to about 85 kilos by year 1985. Since then my weight has increased exactly with the passing of the years by putting on 1 kilo for every year that has passed. So by 1990, I was 90 kilos. By 1995, I was 95 kilos. By year 2000 I was 100 kilos and by year 2003 I was 103 kilos. These aren't exact figures but mirror my weight gain pretty much accurately. I can't explain whether it is a coincidence or something else.

    My Thought For Today - 10 October, 2003

    Firstly, thoughts of mine on the Body Image conundrum and some Life Coaching perspectives.

    Secondly, what makes a great coach? I think the most important attribute is a very deep understanding and appreciation of the human condition matched equally by a very great humility and a strong, analytical, incisive, quick thinking and very sharp intellect.

    A love for people and great tact in approaching anything to do with success/failure and performance/lack of performance is also key. It is, incidentally, what makes a great boss. A person who manages very lightly with a great finesse and subtlety.

    How many great coaches have you met? In life, one comes across these maybe once or twice. How many great bosses has one had? I can say one or two maximum.

    These people are treasures for those whose fortunate lives they appear in and national treasures were it to be known. They enrich everyone they meet and most importantly they are keyed to passing on these great gifts and skills to the next generation but doing so in a totally transparent fashion.

    If you have one such person in your personal life, you are enriched and if you another person in your work life then you are truly blessed. In reality, most people have neither. Life Coaching can help with remedying one of those deficiencies but only if he/she presents with those great skills. You will probably never in your working life encounter a boss who was also a great human being and friend and coach. These people are one in a million.

    I was intelligent enough to know that I had been born to a man who was both brilliant in the analytical and intellectual portion (he was a genius) but had infinite time to assist and coach and he did it all for nothing for all his friends. They certainly don't make them like than anymore.

    Most Life Coaches who run small businesses will not talk to you unless you pay money upfront. I am not one of them. I will listen to you first before deciding whether a Life Coach or indeed I can help you. Do not hesitate to call me as I have been taught by a brilliant master coach and I can bring to bear all those years of his experience (61 years) in me to you in a short period of time.

    Life Coaches are made not born but those who have the innate (born with) skills outlined above make the best friends hence coaches and bosses. It all so normal and natural you don't even know you are being coached. I aspire to be that sort of coach.

    Best of luck with your search.

    My Thought For Today - 7 October, 2003

    After a hiatus of close to one month due to illness and working on my book - Sane Project Management - I am back with the next instalment of the thought for the day.

    I have also been using this time to do some life coaching and this has greatly enriched my life experience. Life coaching probably teaches me more about myself than any other thing I do.

    I have also received the following comment from one of my clients, a friend also, who I have been executive coaching, who wrote the following to me "Thank you again for your great soundess, without this my quest to succeed would not be possible".

    I am not putting this here to blow my own trumpet but I know a lot of small business people do have a testimonial section on their web site where clients sing their praises. This is all well and fine.

    My purpose in putting this here is not as a testimonial but to make a few points about this. The focus in life and executive coaching is more or less about this life equation (coaching + your effort = achieve your goal) but this is not how I really coach. It is good first principles but my style of coaching is more about using a deep empathy with people especially those who have encountered failure (or regret is eating them from the inside out) and are stuck there and unable to move on.

    I have written elsewhere that you should live your life as if you're at Everest base camp and you're getting ready via a series of climbs to intermediate camps to summit. Well these people who are unable to move on, have run away from base camp, and are literally a million miles away from base camp and have so far retreated into their navel that only a herculean effort on their part and deep understanding mixed with incisive coaching from an experienced coach can bring them back to base camp.

    The people I refer to are discussed in my My Thought For Today - 1 September, 2003. This is some catastrophic event or series of sequential catastrophic events that has completely robbed them of the power or the will or the courage to climb the mountain. Living day to day and putting one foot after another is like a mini summit that they climb each day. Getting them to think in terms of life coaching goals is ludicrous. They are beyond pain but not beyond help but they must seek it and that takes fortitude, strength and courage of which they have little of. Their catastrophic life experiences has robbed them of that.

    But there is only one way back and that will be a slow road marked with lots of potholes and pain. A good life coach must realise the background but may not necessarily be able to do much initially with someone who has so far retreated into themselves that it is difficult if not impossible to get them to engage with you as a life coach.

    The point I am making is there is more to life coaching that the equation I put above. Way more. As any good coach will tell you, coaching also involves being a father confessor, an informed but objective guide, an understanding friend, able to understand painful, difficult and perplexing life experiences and able to come up with just the right combination, meld, concoction, mix of words, actions and deeds that will connect with the client at a deep level and enable them to tap into their life source. Anybody that does that for you is your life coach no matter what title, name or relationship they may have with you.

    My Thought For Today - 13 September, 2003

    Best Value Restaurant in Sydney

    In the vein of what you really need, this place is the very best value dinner in Sydney. If you like good chinese food and are willing to pay only $6 for a meal, this is the place. It is in Bankstown and for that you get a large plate of boiled rice, two types of beautifully cooked roast meat, vegetables, some ginger and garlic concoction (very nice with boiled rice) and chinese tea. All for $6 and it tastes absolutely beautiful. BTW The place is impeccably clean and the service is great. The place is the Big Hong Kong Restaurant in Bankstown. The address is 290 Chapel Road, South Bankstown NSW 2000 and the telephone number is 9793-8540.

    Spring Clean in Winter

    Every once in a while in your life, you must pare your thoughts and modus operandi from the frivolous, the luxurious, the unnecessary, the nice to have in your life and get back to bare operating mode. What is the purpose of this? Simply to identify what in your life you really need, what you don't really need but have, what you don't have but really need and what you don't have and don't really need. Each one of these cases means there is something to do or not to do. Think about what you really think you need and what you really need and what you really can do without and what you think you can do without.

    My Thought For Today - 11 September, 2003

    There is a reason for the humanist angle I bring to Project Management schedule management and PM generally. Not only have I been a project manager managing major IT projects since 1990 (wonderful chaotic days) but I have also recently at least been going back over some of my projects and the lessons learnt from these. PM can refer to Project Management or Project Manager based on the context.

    My most valuable lesson is from a project that I was given to do about 2 years ago (I no longer work for that company). It had all the classic symptoms of the death march project that I have written elsewhere on this web site about. These were, to recap ->>>

  • You were given a date by which you had to finish your project. The date when your deliverables had to be ready. Being given a deliverable date forces your schedule to make that date. It is the same as giving you no discretion or flexibility on how you're to schedule the deliverable. A schedule with fixed date tasks leading to a punishing critical path, is next to useless, it is a rigid task list and emprisons those who are tasked to work (against) it. You can do no other. It is dangerous and can lead to a very unhealthy project and project team. It is a dangerous and holds you, the PM, hostage to making a probably unrealistic deliverable (in terms of quality and schedule).

  • Whoever negotiated this business agreed to the deliverable end date, setting your fate in stone. They also negotiated what they thought would be a competitive budget (from the point of view of the client) which left no fat or slack for human weakness, foibles, mistakes, accidents, rework, loss of sequencing (when things are done in the wrong order - very common in major projects involving ships and buildings), lack of training due to no training costs factored in, inexperience, people preferring to work in buddies (& cost of buddy not factored in - it should be as training), lack of form due to other issues, sickness of team members (who naturally get sick when they work on a sick insane project). Anybody working on this project is on a death trap which just sucks in more and more time from the sparse resources making them sicker and sicker. Working more hours, harder, smarter is not a solution here and will lead to early burnout of the project team. Good project managers treat their team as better than family. Their team is Number 1 in their lives and they do not want to do anything that will overwork or alienate them.

  • The problem with a fixed price budget is that the things that would normally decide and drive your end date (within the schedule) are fixed. All items which should be variables are no longer allowed to be that but are now fixed constraints (read brick walls and you are rapidly approaching one at 100 mph). These include PM time allocated to your project, project team resources and time, quality expectations of the deliverable and of project management as well (such as sane scheduling, a dimension of quality too) are fixed.

  • For this type of project, the critical path which in theory would be the shortest time thorough the schedule from beginning to end would have no meaning. It is the only path as everything in its way is fixed as it must be if you already have an outcome (schedule end date) in mind. It is no longer a schedule than can recalculate deliverable end date based on resources, budget, quality expectations, equipment delivery date but a brutal, punishing, killing task list which you could give a child to do as there is no thinking to do except if you gave it to a child to do you might be charged with manslaughter. This prescriptive type of project management must be killed off before it kills PMs.

  • What do you now have? You have a fixed deliverable end date but what is worse is that if the budget as allocated to you cannot make that end date, there is absolutely nothing you can do in PM terms to change it. You cannot increase any budget items (to bring the date in). As it stands if the project were to get underway, you would be careering out of control as soon as everybody on the team realised the schedule end date was impossible to be met with the budget as it stood.

  • Firstly, the people who negotiated the contract with the client DON'T CARE one fig. They only want to know why you're saying the schedule (fixed) cannot be met with the (meagre) resources (again fixed) they allocated to you (from the client and which the client paid for).

  • Are you saying they (the Account Executive, sales people really) estimated incorrectly? If you suck in resources from them, they only want to know why you can't manage with what you have been given, are you just a lousy PM then? No pain no gain they say. They don't care.

  • Your local line management DON'T CARE, they don't understand the nexus between impossible deadlines, poor project health, poor project people health and poor quality, rushed deliverables. They are reinforcing these bad work practices (actually these punishing work practices are against standing Occupational Health and Safety guidelines. Karoshi is illegal in some countries).

  • Your family DON'T CARE (stop obsessing with work they say). See the article on karoshi, people overworked and stressed cannot unwind from the deathly spiral.

  • Your partner is worried but really can not help you as the problem is posing serious dangers to your mental, psychological and physical health and well being.

  • If you're a contractor, your agency DON'T CARE. All the agency care about is the revenue you're bringing in, your mental health is a irrelevance.

  • Who can help? and who knows how to help? If your organisation is part of a punishing environment at whatever point in the chain and/or you are personally as a PM suffering from working in an environment which is punishing and killing you, then let me help you. I am both a Life Coach and a specialist in Project Management. I am a PM Practitioner and a PM theorist, especially in the areas of where Life Coaching intersects Project Management such as using sane project management techniques and coaching of your project team resources (and more importantly not burning them out by exposing them to impossible schedules combined with restricted/limited budgets - the deadly combination).

    This thought of the day is humbly dedicated to the team members on the project quoted above who tried to make a difference in that crazy, mad environment. You would have thought none would have tried or much less succeeded. A number tried and one succeeded spectacularly. Unbelievable achievement. Thank you in particular to Patrick (may you fish for as long as you live) and Mark (my healer).

    My Thought For Today - 10 September, 2003

    Life Coaching Paradox

    Those who need Life Coaches can't afford them and those who can afford them don't need them.

    Let's explore that generalisation a bit (which is not totally true). There is a certain paradox in the Life Coaching industry and that is the service we provide is to those who obviously need our professional services but in some cases, the person requiring the service cannot afford the professional advice. What I mean is that they already need to be on their feet, so to speak, and able to afford our services before they can engage our services.

    We are professionals and deal with our clients on that basis and in the context of that relationship. On that basis, there is sometimes a tendency to say if you pay me I will care about you. That is care for payment. When one operates a small business as most Life Coaching consultancies are, that is a fact of life, a reality in modern living and business.

    You find this in operation at many web sites operated by small service businesses. They don't have time to talk to you unless the meter is running. A bit like the model who won't get out of bed for less than whatever.

    But I think Life Coaching is not in that category. As I have written elsewhere, a Life Coach should live the precepts they preach. Caring for the client in a self-empowerment context is paramount. Implicit in this is the openness and willingness to give of oneself and to do so in a way that does not affect our ability to work, live and contribute.

    By the same token if one asks of a small business person for a quote, a lengthly delay in delivering the quote or no quote at all is an indication the business is not delivering customer service and is poor at business development. On the other hand, a small business person that provides prompt and accurate quotes has got it together. The right balance between servicing existing clients whilst acquiring potential new ones.

    A good Life Coach provides quotes for his services after considering the client's situation. Does that mean, initially at least that the meter is not running, yes it does. Good service dictates that we respond initially (in a high level way) to the client's requirements and advise whether we can be of help and what of our services would be most useful in their context.

    My Thought For Today - 9 September, 2003

    Time Wasters/Wasting

    Are you now wasting time or have you felt you have wasted time previously or do you feel you are about to waste time? Just because you are working and earning money doesn't mean you're not wasting time. Just because you're in a relationship and providing for your dependents does not mean you're not wasting time. Just because you're part of your community doesn't mean you're not wasting time.

    In what circumstances are you not wasting time? You will know yourself when you are wasting time but these are some circumstances when you may feel you are not wasting time -

  • You, after a period of introspection, have embarked on a desire, a course, a way to attain the very highest and best you're personally capable of.

  • You have translated this vision into action plans and you're keyed and ready to execute them.

  • You are on a perpetual journey of self improvement, reaching in and reaching out to develop a method, a life force for success.

  • You are aware of what is required for success but also what ways can lead to failure and you make a conscious choice to go the way of the path of success.

  • You admit to yourself that you may not be able to do it all alone and let others into your space to help you. You are not afraid or ashamed of seeking and receiving help.

    In the 30's and 40's brilliant jazz bands played swing (considered pop music) to make money and saved their best music (jazz) for night time sessions and most albums they cut contained a number of pop numbers and a number of brilliant jazz numbers to remind the audience what a great band they were listening (and dancing to).

    Now in the 70s and later, most latin jazz bands play wonderful cuban, american jazz/blues influenced jazz music (it I think started with cross seminal influences between Dizzy Gillespie, Stan Kenton and Tito Puente in the 30s) but they also play for a living salsa music, which as I have read Tito Puente didn't think much of (the name that is, not the music).

    Do you have something that you are very very good at (and prefer to do), that may not have a wide audience (and doesn't make you much money) and something you are also quite good at (but is not your first preference to do) that does have a wide audience (your job that makes you enough money to live on)? What did the jazz musicians do when faced with these two choices? Well, they played salsa (or swing) to ensure the audience were happy and danced (and bought their records) but they also saved some of their energy for their favorite love. Can you do both and well? Contrast that with the supreme mountaineer Messner - do one thing, do only one thing, do it with all your might, all your money and all your will.

    My Thought For Today - 8 September, 2003

    This is sometimes very difficult to write because this is not (yet) a formula like most newspaper columns and making this fresh and fun is sometimes tough. Even though during the day I think of what this should be, by the time I get home, eat and shower and relax I have forgotten it.

    I went trawling last night on the web for one thing not sure what but landed on a web site that was about the 80s band The Joy Division, discovered this name was based on a supposed Nazi hotel for providing comfort women for the troops. BTW their lead singer (Ian Curtis) committed suicide just prior to going on a US tour. I then spent some time on some other web site following some classic albums. I checked out a Fleetwood Mac classic album (Then Play On), they had all mostly been inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame.

    The thing that struck me was that three of their former members Danny Kirwan, Peter Green and Jeremy Spencer all had mental problems either from huge drug use and/or other personal problems. Not only did they supposedly have the fragile artistic temperament but they overdosed on psychedelic drugs.

    This reminds me of a story of a guy who sold everything he had to get to the top of Everest - house, car, boat, dog. He said he would get to the top even if the mountain killed him. Well the mountain took him at his word and did so. The point I am making is there is no point scaling great heights if you're going to have a very hard landing coming down. That may be unavoidable due to circumstances beyond your control but plan every other circumstance within your control.

    By all means as I have written elsewhere you have to live your life as if you're permanently at base/intermediate camp waiting for the weather to clear before setting for the summit. The key here is you don't try to summit when the jet stream is blowing a blizzard at 29000 feet and you can avoid it by waiting. The trap people fall into here is they are keyed to a target date/time to summit and if they see that date/time pass they panic and this makes them do foolish things or make hasty decisions that will kill them on the way to the top.

    What was a heroic effort and incredible bravery on the part of Mallory/Irvine (1924) will, in any subsequent attempt that repeats their mistakes, be seen as sheer negligence and poor planning/logistics. These subsequent attempts have not learnt from the mistakes of others.

    Summiting is one goal but even more important is coming down in one piece. This takes calculation, preparation, risk assessment and timing. Luck plays no part in it. Either on the way up or on the way down. By all means prepare to scale great heights in your career but also ensure there are mechanisms in place to ensure you have a soft landing. Can a Life Coach help with this soft landing?

    Yes certainly but ensure your Life Coach is both there with you on the way up and on the way down. Figuratively speaking the down, with the help of a Life Coach can also be an up as in a changed career, a changed perspective or an understanding and acceptance of your physical and other limitations and not trying to push beyond them.

    My Thought For Today - 7 September, 2003

    Today is Sunday morning. Father's Day. I wonder how that came about. Being cynical and saying the merchandisers needed it to move the stock not sold during winter is probably not right. It is a sign post on the way to Xmas really. Just like the flowering of the wisteria (brilliant blue flowers on a climber). It flowers just once a year for two weeks and then nothing. Ugly. Nature has its reason I am sure and I am just as sure our scientists have worked it out.

    Writing the previous thought for the day got me to thinking about what my dreams were during that time (circa 1980-83). I wanted to attend a dance college full-time in Victoria and study to become a dance teacher. I also wanted my own troupe. For a while I also ran my own dance studio. I wanted to take that further.

    But I never did it. I think at the time, there were two powers at play a certain lack of confidence that I could get entry (via an audition) and secondly my father was very much against it. He preferred I stay in my current dead end public service job. At around 23 years of age, this was madness. I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. My father, who at the time had his own heavy emotional problems, did not act as a Life Coach for me. He sort of did but underneath really put his own interests at heart and wanted me to stay to support him through his emotional crisis. What is the lesson learnt?

    At certain moments in your life, you need an impartial Life Coach who has only your interest at heart because they are engaged to solely do this and they have no emotional involvement with the client. This is the reason why I write elsewhere that an emotional involvement between client and Life Coach does not lead to great Life Coaching. Am I upset that my Dad was in the guise of a Life Coach and pursued his own ends. I guess he couldn't help himself. But I should never have put him in that position of power and influence over me. It is 10 years since his passing and I guess I still have a lot to learn from him and his behaviour.

    My Thought For Today - 5 September, 2003

    This is kind of neat my own personally badged personals web site with my own banner.

    Today is Friday night. The end of another week. What is the hardest job in the world today? I think it must be a man in his 40s with family responsibilities and a job to keep up. The question that pops up is how to stay very focused on it all and still be happy. Your family depends on you and you depend on your family but there is no built-in life support system just for you. For you there is no life boat, just an old life belt and the water is freezing. Your reliance is on your own support systems that you have created for yourself over the years. Is that enough especially when the going gets tough? I'll come back to this.

    This is the thought I originally had this morning for these pages tonight. When I was mad into dance training and all that sort of thing, I used to attend a dance class in Sydney, close to Sydney University at the Bodenweiser Academy I think. It must have been around 1982 or so. Jackie Love and Sherie de Costa were in my class though I never reached those heights. What brought this up was the fact that I was trying to work out why I was thinking about it this morning. We had a teacher Jane Beckett (there is a reference to her at this link) for Advanced Jazz class on Friday afternoon (I left work early to catch it). Her classes were absolutely packed and it was difficult to stand out as there were so many outstanding dancers.

    But the thing that struck me was on occasions when the teacher couldn't make it (auditions, working elsewhere whatever) her class was taken over by this American guy. He was a good teacher but only 4 or 5 people showed up when she had 30-40 dancers. Why was that? He was a competent teacher and a proficient dancer. Looking back over this now almost 21 years later, I can say that she had a quality about her that made you feel not threatened that she was going to take you out of your depth. She calmed you, reassured you and most importantly appealed to that part of us that responds joyously, raptuously to good coaching. What is good coaching then as she exemplified it?

    My karate coach also had it. I can say now that I reacted emotionally to the coaching environment they created. I think the key is both my dance teacher and karate teacher acted as if they were one of us. They did all the exercises we did. They patiently demonstrated the moves, in dancing the choreography and in karate the kata, a type of elaborate joining movements. They lived, breathed and danced and did the kata with us. There is no better demonstration of what being a good coach means. My Dad was an excellent soccer coach because he mastered that emotional/intellectual/physical giving of oneself to the team, student, dancer. The belief that they imparted that their success was ultimately your success. If you succeeded they succeeded. Poor coaches do not convey this spiritual, physical and intellectual link and sharing between student and teacher.

    BTW if any former Bodenweiser dancers from that era (1980-83) would like to get in touch, please drop me a line. I took classes with Jane, Chappie (Margaret Chapple - a modern dance guru and brilliant teacher, sadly now dead) and the occasional classical class.

    My Thought For Today - 4 September, 2003

    I am writing a book about my PM experiences. This is the first draft of it.

    My Thought For Today - 3 September, 2003

    Back in the early eighties when I was working in a major organisation and wanting to see my way forward (where I could see no way forward in the organisation itself) I immediately found an affinity with personal computers such as they were back then (Apple 2e, IBM XT even AT perhaps) and didn't know it then but managed to get myself on a huge wave that has kept me going till the present even though the wave itself has come in to shore. What the experience taught me was that I had made an excellent choice in looking for my future in the IT industry and I did know at the time what my excellent choice was doing for me and I loved it. It gave me a wonderful life which I led riding the boom.

    I believe there were many people like me in the eighties who may have had an aptitude for IT and sought it as their savior and way out of a job that promised no advancement. These people I am sure must have enjoyed their time in the last 20 years just like I did. I worked in the IT industry at a time when the newspapers has 30-50 pages of IT jobs and it was booming. Absolutely exploding and anybody who wanted to break into the industry could, with a little effort, do so.

    Fast forward to 2003 and I don't find myself now back in the situation back in the early eighties when I saw no future in what I was doing. But what if you do. What is the natural arena for those who now in 2003 find themselves in an occupation or position where they don't want to be in. Is there a similar industry to IT that is booming and taking on people experienced and inexperienced by the truck loads and paying them good money.

    No probably never again not for a long time. The IT industry has taken two major body blows. It seems to have lost some credibility when the Y2K bug did not have as much effect as predicted and secondly savvy business managers no longer believe better, faster, smarter technology is in itself a direct driver for increased productivity and profit. Back in the eighties and nineties, it was felt that it was and I remember organisations paying close to $30k for a server that was no more than a 386 machine and implementing modem sharing software in the eighties that nobody used. That's enough about IT. This is not about IT.

    If you're in a similar position that I was and many other people were in the early eighties and there is no booming industry to go to, where do you actually go from here? Do you stay in a job that is boring and not expanding your horizon or utilising your vision. One of the key things to do firstly is a Skills and Tools Audit. This will give you an indication of where you're starting from. This should then lead into exploring various options that you may be suited for. Unfortunately, there is no booming industry that you can take a six month course and then enter as a professional but there is no reason not to believe that by exploring other opportunities you may discover a niche or place for yourself uniquely utilising your skills and vision. If the advice on this or any of my pages can help you see your way forward, then please go ahead and read it. But if you only have one hour to spare and you want the distilled experience of the last 30 years, as applied to your situation, in a short form, then please call me.

    My Thought For Today - 2 September, 2003

    If you're a tree, no matter how hard you work or how much effort you put in or what shape wings you tie to yourself, no matter how much you turn yourself into a wing, you're never ever going to fly. Period.

    Is effort without direction or aim better than no effort at all? The hope of course is that some way into the effort, some inspiration will strike, like lightning, that will tie it all together in a weltanschauung. I myself am guilty of working (sometimes having to work) with no inspiration to guide me. What is the point of doing that? Necessity, need or want. There is no inspiration required to assemble rivets or push them into a superstructure.

    What then is the point of inspiration, of doing something and being in the zone? I think we might as well ask what is the point of some uplifting experience or conversation or finding inspiration in examplary experiences of others of oneself even. I think we all love being in the zone. In fact, one of the main goals of Life Coaching is to get you in the zone to perform exceptionally well.

    If we all could do that by ourselves, then I think we all would choose to work inspired in preference to doing something because we had to do it and when we didn't want to do it or felt like doing it or felt empty inside doing it. But, under what circumstances, are we in the zone when doing something? If there was a secret to being in the zone, on fire, happening all the time even when doing mundane tasks I am sure we would have it and all be doing it. The thing is there isn't and we're not all acting as though we're inspired even a small portion of the time.

    Getting into the zone takes a number of factors working together. A goal or aim reasonably set and reasonably easy to achieve. A small first step. The main game must be something you really truly want and are prepared to make sacrifices to achieve. Something you enjoy or have come to like or something that is challenging for you (in a good way not a threatening way).

    Something that you are prepared to invest your heart and soul into all your resources at any one time. Something that helps you grow as a person and that grows with you. No diversion of your resources or other distractions (read no traction otherwise). Don't stop until you succeed. Is this guaranteed to bring you inspiration? No. So where does inspiration come from? No one knows but somewhere along that track, there may be a chemistry, involving all those factors working together, that takes over and puts you in the zone. Can a Life Coach help get you in the zone? Yes but in conjunction with you understanding all the necessary precursors.

    Can you get in the zone without all this? Yes if you're a genius.

    Check this link if you're into asking questions like where does inspiration/creativity come from?

    My Thought For Today - 1 September, 2003

    Everybody at some time in their lives will, sadly, have some catastrophic event in their lives, perceived immediately as a failure, that spots them dead in their tracks. It will be some life changing or even life threatening event that can, in its most powerfully destructive form, come in combinations that at first weaken one and then knock one out.

    Singly, they are tough to deal with but together they can create an irreversible destruction of the will to succeed or to try again (without professional help). These events are well known involuntary loss of a job, separation/divorce from one's partner/spouse, death of one's spouse/partner, serious/life threatening illness or accident involving one's partner or immediate family, serious financial difficulties involving loss of business, reputation, bankruptcy and possible loss of house/car/boat and serious curtailment of once's life style.

    Somehow the more you have at stake, the further the fall. Ah possessions but that is another discussion.

    Any two of these catastrophic events especially as they affect one adversely can affect one's current and future goals. For example, serious illness of a partner may reduce the income (in the absence of any insurance policy) coming into a house to pay off a mortgage and threaten the family home. That one consequence can curtail one's view of what is possible or indeed can so embitter someone that they never again, dare to dream the dream. They live but they are utterly dead inside.

    They can be like that for 20 years and then die. Can life coaching help in these circumstances? Life Coaching cannot help where they are underlying illness but once the illness is treated, there is some opportunity for a Life Coach to help the person understand what has gone on, what they could or could not have done as the time (vis a vis what they did do at the time which in some circumstances is very limited and they had to go with the flow) and what is a realistic goal, in the circumstances going forward.

    The key is to find that initial first way point and help them get on their feet slowly and gently again. Can they do it without a Life Coach? Yes, certainly but it might take longer to even think about trying again, they might have some near misses to start off with initially. A Life Coach will help should they stumble. In these circumstances, any further failure after a series of catastrophes can be very serious indeed for further goal seeking/setting and the effort required for getting them off the ground. The thing here is if they have more failure, they may give up altogether. So the safest way going forward is to ensure a professional Life Coach is with you to ensure you are at your very best and prepared for moving on with your life and setting and succeeding with new goals. Don't wait 10 years to do it.

    My Thought For Today - 31 August, 2003

    Today is the last day of Winter in the Southern Hemisphere. Tomorrow is the first day of Spring.

    It is wonderful when one has an idea and one puts the work into making it a reality it is a bit like walking the tightrope but with a net underneath you. That net is those people around you that support and love you. It may not be direct support but the fact that they are around helps in the voyage especially where the destination is not known and even the journey mid points are not known with certainty. What about those people who are absolutely alone in the world yet still achieve great things. In other words, is the support scheme around one required or even necessary for great work. I think in a way great work springs from an internal fount that is the sum total of previous experiences and learning, not necessarily a product of whatever is currently happening in your life.

    That is not to say we ditch our support systems when we have it in our head to climb Everest or conquer the deep sea depths or dive to Titanic. No, this is the base we all work from whether it is a current environment or a cumulative total of what we have previously experienced. What I mean is great achievement pushes on beyond this base support and reaches far higher than that is contemplated by staying in the norm, in your comfort zone. That extraordinary support for great work comes from inside and whether a Life Coach helps you tap into that or you do it yourself, that is what is required for inspiring, extraordinary work.

    My Thought For Today - 30 August, 2003

    Please have a look at some of my PM ideas, it more about the people side of things.

    La Champeta. Apparently a recent product of Cartagena, it is an exciting mix of Soca, Reggae, Punta, and Zimbabwe-style sounds. Where do these new sounds come from? Columbia, Venezuela, Cuba, NY, Puerto Rico seem to be the cradle of latin music.

    My Thought For Today - 28 August, 2003

    Thursday night and the reserve is draining.

    I truly believe you should begin to plan your retirement the moment you commence your very first day at your very first job. Even more so if plan to move from job to job and restart your very first day each time and laying down roots once again so to speak. I am not going into retirement benefits here.

    Now why should you do this? Because you will find unless you actively plan to be not working at a time of your choosing, you will find you are not prepared for it. The money you earn on a week by week basis will be immediately expended on day to day expenses and there will be none for your retirement. I know various countries have pension schemes and that's all well and good. But then you're tied in to retiring at their age limits not at yours. I am talking about retiring at your own pace and time and date and decision. Not tied in to their actuarial tables but to your time and rhythms.

    Very difficult to achieve.

    As it is nearing Friday, it's time for some killer latin this time Los Van Van, awesome timba sound (like salsa plus rock plus merengue plus soca plus plus).

    My Thought For Today - 27 August, 2003

    There is a danger in excelling in a work environment. Whether you are truly excelling or simply have a reputation for excelling, which from the point of view of perception is about the same. What is this danger? Simply that power centers within your organisation will compete for your services and the strongest will win. Not necessarily the one where you'd like to contribute. How does this affect your future performance?

    Where you go or in a physical sense where you are, who you work with/for, how many PCs you have etc. is completely unimportant. What is key to excelling in the work environment is to be able to tap into whatever the most powerful vibe going in the organisation and person(s) acting as conduit for this.

    Not just tap in, but vigorously contribute, push the debate further, higher, better, simpler, more implementable, quicker wins and so on. What does it take to do this? This is not a Corporate Management 101 but after 25 years experience in a corporate setting, I think the key is intellectual bravery and strength.

    Fearlessly contribute, get knocked back, contribute again even stronger this time, get knocked back but not as hard as before, regroup and then contribute a decisive, flawless effort. Get some degree of acceptance (but more importantly) get some street cred that you are a tenacious, hard working, very very smart fighter. It is that reputation only that will see you go further.

    My Thought For Today - 24 August, 2003

    The Medium is the Message is a thought that has been with me since I was first introduced to it by someone who I worked with in 1977. I don't think, well I know, I didn't know what it meant at the time. I have assimilated what I thought it meant over the years but I now think I know what it means.

    It simply has the identical meaning as what I have written previously here about walking the talk and we must become the change we seek. It simply means when we are communicating, the truth will be communicated if we, as the communicators, the mediums for communicating bring a state of truthfulness, of genuineness, of belief in what we are communicating. What we are saying will only hit the mark when it is being fired from a true, genuine, believing open heart. Nothing less as a medium will suffice.

    For Life Coaches this is a big and quite simple ask. Be what you teach, what you preach, what you mean, what you're trying to change. Believe in it and live it. There is no point in preaching Life Coaching precepts and concepts without applying it and living in your personal life. This is the hardest lesson of a Life Coach to live.

    My Thought For Today - 20 August, 2003

    I am reading the following for inspiration as I develop my Life Coaching small business -

    Maverick by Ricardo Semler

    The Prince by Machiavelli

    The Goal by Eliyahu M Goldratt and Jeff Cox

    Under New Management Australian Organization in Transition - Dexter Dunphy & Doug Stace

    My de-facto small business coach thought my management and business credentials needed bolstering so I am happy to comply.

    I love reading Machiavelli go head to head with Cicero. I think Machiavelli was extremely cynical about what was required to stay in power. Use love if you can but use power and force when you have to. Nil scruples whatsover. He was also the first writer to treat the Vatican as just another city state clambering, clinging, fighting for secular power. He is great when he says it is better for the populous to fear you, that way they will be too scared to move against you for fear of your swift and deadly retribution.

    But he warns if they hate you, then you're history. Hating means they don't fear you and also they hold you in contempt. There is nothing to stop the populace from moving against you. The previous brake (fear) is no longer there so they're free to make your life hell and they will. In fact, that they hold you in contempt will spur them to remove you swiftly.

    I think a key behavior and habit of all very good coaches is to always be learning yourself and being taught by others. In fact I will go so far as to say in a good Life Coach to client relationship, the client teaches the Life Coach almost as much as the Life Coach teaches the client.

    Most situations in life if you think about it are opportunities to learn or to teach. We each take different roles according to the circumstances.

    A professional coach must always be learning about his craft and the science of coaching such as the theoretical framework, relationship to other counselling sciences, learning from success and failures in sports coaching, reading research and field work studies, in other words the technical side of being a coach.

    This must be balanced by the art of being a coach. Understanding, assimilating and adopting the manner, tone, style and approach of successful coaches is key to your success at influencing people for positive change.

    I think you can learn the former but the latter is about the genuineness and truth of you and your personality and how that comes through.

    My Thought For Today - 19 August, 2003

    Dear Mr/Mrs/Miss Chris Thornton (you do not indicate your sex) I note you write to me as the Sales and Marketing Director Credit Card (sorry I cannot imitate your logo) but then nor can you imitate a skerick of personalisation or human sympathy with your churned form letter.

    What made you think such a blunt instrument could get my sympathy? My acceptance? My buy in?

    The question is not why did you pick me because I am singularly conversant and expert with the intricacies of database marketing and all the techniques such as genetic algorithms used but why did you think your pathetic excuse for a personal letter would do anything for me or get me to buy your credit card.

    I note you use the words "shiny" "colour" "new" to describe a tiny piece of plastic??? The way to my bank balance and my banking business (I know all the marketing crap about share of wallet) is a truly personal letter or a phone call at my discretion not yours should I elect to receive your spam. Get it your stuff is junk mail even though you have my name in a database, it still makes it junk mail or spam and this is illegal in some states and countries. I never gave you authorisation to put my name in your database, why did you presume to have it there without asking?

    I note it will take some action on my part to stop you sending me stuff. Why is that? I never asked to get on to your database and yet I have to take some positive action to get myself off? This is the height of absurdity. I can't even find one use for your shiny brochures and letters.

    I also note that you are not the card issuer but will just sit back and lick the cream off the top. You must be joking if you think professionals like me will go for this crap. YOU WILL HAVE TO WORK HARDER MUCH HARDER TO GET MY BUSINESS.

    My Thought For Today - 18 August, 2003

    My thought for the day is located on this link, part of my Life Coaching Tips and Techniques page.

    My Thought For Today - 15 August, 2003

    Firstly it's the end of the week and it's time for some serious salsa and this guy is in the zone not sure if this name is the best they could come up with for this page but seeing Blades' partner was Willie Colon well colonblades.html sort of makes sense I guess.

    What is the point of achieving, excelling, doing better than you expected of yourself or that anybody else expected of you. The point I want to make is if you are doing something for any other reason but personal satisfaction and the advance of your personal inner success story then it's a waste of time. Doing it for a promotion at work, recognition of some sort at work or at home or in a social setting or church or whatever your social milieu is, for money, for pride, for any reason but that you did it because it was there (apologies to George Mallory) and you could shine at it, then it is an absolute waste of time and even worse than that, it can lead you into a false journey. That false journey forces you to do things or say things to please someone else or to get something from them such as praise or recognition or reward.

    Praise is the enemy of achievement. It stifles risk taking, innovation, it puts an expectation on the part of the deliverer that forces him or her to take into account irrelevant considerations in achieving their goal, dream or aim. In short, it seduces them into accepting less than what they are capable of as being good enough because there is an expectation to bring home something even if it is not what your inner heart treasured. Never settle for this. Indeed go for less and your inbuilt regret engine will work overtime making your life, your very existence a misery.

    Aim for and achieve the best that you can ever be capable of. You deserve nothing less.

    Have a nice week-end from me in Sydney. The next thought of the day will be posted 8pm Sydney time Monday - 18 Aug.

    My Thought For Today - 14 August, 2003

    I am saddened by the use by major multi-nationals and huge corporations of indigenous insignia, myths, cultural signposts, images, symbols and identity.

    The purloining of the "goodness" that has been created over millenia of seminal, primitive, primal and earthly thoughts and belief systems is driven by greed and hence senseless.

    Yes these companies think no more of using these images to promote and enhance their base, prosaic products and services which have absolutely no connection to the underlying life and people forces.

    What can change this? Nothing as I can see as long there is money to be made from major companies' co-existence with a cultural identify.

    The law is useless. Reparations is useless as it doesn't address the real problem of cultural misappropriation and dislocation. Its use demeans and shows the highest level of disrespect for a people and its beliefs.

    It is nothing less than the debasing of an aboriginal culture for the worship of Mammon.

    Do we use the Pope's image to sell after shave? Soap powder? Beds? Cutlery?

    My message to these major companies hijacking those cultural icons is to find your own. Create your own. Don't tap into the nation's consciousness to sell your measly products and services.

    Create your own cultural identity, myth, religion, business lore or whatever it is and use that to sell your goods. Celebrate your own original successes and thoughts and images.

    My approbrium is reserved for those who stand in the way of third parties and proffer to sell these cultural icons (as if they owned them) to those major companies.

    It is a trade in foul goods and should be stopped.

    General Thoughts

    It might be in the style of a Montaigne or a La Rochefoucauld and he doesn't have the word "fou" in his surname for nothing.

    La Rochefoucauld was a cynical observer of Louis XIV's court, who mostly saw selfishness, hypocrisy, and weakness in general in human behavior.

    Montaigne who said of himself "I have never seen a greater monster or miracle than myself."

    Pascal also has some interesting thoughts about human nature, religion and human weakness.

    For the moment I am living the following aphorism "We must become the change we want to see" attributed to Gandhi. This has been used ad infinitum by the management consultants and translated to simply "Walk the Talk".

    George Mallory One must conquer, achieve, get to the top; one must know the end to be convinced that one can win the end-to know there's no dream that mustn't be dared.

    Reinhold Messner I did one activity at a time, with all my willpower, all my money and all my time. Complete commitment.

    This is a spot on my web that I am reserving to explore my french/creole background. Not sure at this stage what will go on here or even in what language it will be english or french/creole which makes more sense.

    Life Coaches should Walk the Talk

    I think Life Coaches especially as we seem to do the talk well should be seen to walk the talk. Hence a living embodiment of what they espouse and preach.

    Life Coaches should also have clear set goals (I guess developing the business itself is a main driver) but there should be other measurable aims, goals and achievements.

    A few people that I'm thinking about in terms of goal oriented performance include George Mallory & Andrew Irvine (1924 English Everest Expedition) and WL Gore and Associates, the people who make Goretex.

    A material which might have helped Mallory and Irvine who confronted the mighty mountain with iron will and bodies but little else especially in the way of clothing and other survival gear.

    Exceptional Life Coaches

    Most life situations present an opportunity to learn from even if the person in the thick of things is not actively coaching or mentoring. Actually I think that conscious driven coaching and mentoring is not as successful as those coaches and mentors who do so invisibly. These are the very best coaches, doing it without seeming to do it, the person receiving the coaching has no inkling of being coached.

    It is done by mere suggestion, a soupcon of direction.

    These people are very rare and it can't be learnt no matter what the textbooks tell you. You know it or you don't. You have it or you don't and the funny thing is when you come across one of these people, you don't know what a miracle you've been lucky enough to participate in. Now what qualities do these people have? The person who I'm thinking of who epitomised this was my father.

    Qualities of Exceptional Life Coaches

    He had a coterie of acolytes in the last few years of his life who recognised this in him and followed him. To me he was an enigma, a puzzle a multi layered, multi dimensional, multi directional genie. The qualities I think that bear evidence to this are the following >>>

    An innate hyper sensitivity, in fact an emotional rawness. This allowed my father to detect the most slight or trivial clue as to how a person was feeling, thinking and doing. He was a micro sensitive emotional seismograph is the best way I can put it. In fact he knew what they were thinking before they themselves knew. A remarkable skill but then a remarkable man indeed.

    A very good understanding of human nature having been gained in many early years of hard and difficulty living in abject poverty. But intelligent enough and with the will and self direction to rise above it. He took on board all those lessons learnt and never became embittered.

    An extremely tactful man. This lead you to trust him implicitly. He listened extremely well. A deep understanding, caring listening and when he spoke he was very to the point but with deep roots displaying the care and depth with which he listened and understood. He spoke with dazzling analysis and intelligence.

    Extremely well read, multi lingual and highly intelligent. He was able to synthesize all types of lessons in a coherent world view. I guess the ability to do this goes without saying. He was in most sense a guru. I am not talking about university degrees and college diplomas though he did have those in abundance.

    His knowledge and understanding crossed cultural boundaries and he was equally at home in european (french and english but also spanish), african, creole, chinese and indian cultures and writings and the innate sense of belonging to each that each person from that diaspora feels.

    He genuinely liked people and excelled at impressing them with his innate understanding of people. He enjoyed the skill he had and enjoyed exercising his prodigious intellectual ability.

    His relationship building skills (not that he probably saw it as such) were phenomenal. He made friends and he knew he was making friends but they didn't. For them in a sense it was just life. Life with an exceptional man.

    Even now, 10 years after his death, his acolytes ring up to talk about him and reminisce.

    He was always there for them, physically but most importantly he gave them of his intellectual capital and emotional fund. This was the key to the whole story. Giving of that inner emotional self that triggers the connection, the relationship and everything else that is worthwhile in life.

    He was for those reasons the very best life coach, life teacher, life mentor who I have ever come across.

    Pepe Romero. Another person paying homage to his father.

    Is Life Coach just a title?

    Did he see himself as a Life Coach per se? No I don't think so. Life Coach is a title but describes a relationship and on that basis he was a Life Coach par excellence. He had a philosophy of Life Coaching, he had a devoted coterie of dedicated followers, he befriended them and helped them to achive excellence in their careers and personal life.

    He was the first port of call for his followers when they had career, personal and family problems, when they sought an explanation of the world, when they desired a particular outcome, when they had new friends to introduce, in so many little ways that showed the part he played in their lives. A leadership role which he assumed on their behalf but didn't really need.

    This, therefore, is the standard which we as Life Coaches should aspire to but may never reach.

    Is Life Coaching Just a Conversation Then?

    What exactly is Life Coaching in the practice? I guess like most forms of human communication, it is a conversation or a series of conversations. But what distinguishes this conversation(s) from any other? Well I think it has the following unique characteristics >>>

    Designed to arrive at a quick mutual understanding initially.

    Designed to then deepen this understanding to a mutual respect, liking and friendship.

    Using this deeper understanding, begin to understand the drivers and levers that are the prime factors for this individual to achieve their maximum potential and peak performance.

    The key is then not to manipulate those levers to the individual's benefit but to allow them to do it themselves. Show then those keys to peak performance and get them to focus on the states of mind, behaviors, past history that will guide them to perform to the best of their ability.

    Is there any magic in doing this? My short answer is some but it is as mysterious as chemistry between any two people.

    A lot of it is working together and some of it is hard work to eliminate distractions to achieve the focus required.

    The Deep Mystery of Relationships

    Yet it works - to misquote Galileo "yet it turns"

    I have this understanding of a number of things that not everything is actually explainable by logic, brain chemistry, synapses, historical joins, nature or even nurture, it is a mystery.

    Pascal - "The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing: we know this in countless ways."

    Life Coaching relationships are relationships worked at and which come together after a period of time. But there is an element of connection that makes it all gel.

    I think in some respects the process of how a friendship develops, why it develops in the first place in this instance and not in others, is in some degree explainable but in others not and that is how it should be.

    When one put efforts in a friendship or relationship, then that should pay dividends but not always.

    This applies equally to personal, family, work and any other type of relationship.

    Can personal and relationship coaching help in this instance? Probably. This site offers the view that it can.

    My Favourite Coaching and Other Links

    Linking to My Site - send me details of your URL. Please note I will only link to your site if your site appears on the search engines already. When you send details of your site, please advise which search engines the site appears on. If you do not follow this rule, I will delete your request immediately. Please also no "home business" or no content web sites or those that use those robotised link lists.

    Book of the Month

    Every month I will select a particular life coaching book that I personally find helpful in my practice and in my personal life. This week it is The Life Coaching Handbook by Curly Martin. Highly Recommended. If you click on this link and purchase this book from the link on this page and then on to the Amazon web site (verified by Amazon), I will subsequently offer a free life coaching session via ICQ (ICQ#671412). Send me an ICQ message when you purchase the book via my web site link to Amazon and I will get back to you to organise a time to have your session.

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