Every now and then I review the search terms used to find my web site and ex tempore on it just for heck of it
Now I have written elsewhere that this web site seems extremely popular (and perhaps perversely so because it has nothing to do with
sociopathy though I occasionally refer to it) with people looking for information on sociopathy especially at week-ends and from Canada. No idea why
that is really though I have postulated the reason (Canada is full of mad people because it is cold, who stay sane during the weekdays but come out
on the weekend in all their madness - I jest) but have no proof.
How does one end a relationship with a sociopath. I won't go into what a sociopath is or why having a relationship with one requires you to be a
masochist - this information is enumerated elsewhere on this web. This is just some advice about how to go about ending a relationship with a sociopath.
Ending a relationship with a sociopath
Don't and be damned, do and be damned.
Why would you want to end a relationship with a sociopath? Sociopaths tend to be superficially slick but the giveaway is grandiose plans without foundation or in popular parlance they are full of bs. They talk in millions when they have 0.25 cents in the bank. Living with them is a roller coaster ride
with mostly natural/real downs and artificial ups. Sociopaths do not provide a level of consistency, a level of stability leading to the emotional platform necessary for the formation of good relationships. Sociopaths tend to live in
the 'things' of life and have a poor appreciation of the emotional content of life (they are poor at this because of their pathology).
Sociopaths usually pick their partners (victims) extremely carefully so consider yourself privileged (of sorts )to have been chosen. the reason why you have a sociopath for
a husband or wife is usually because something in your makeup or personality or background has provided the sociopath with the hook, the link, the connection necessary for them
to come on board. So before you consider leaving your sociopath husband or wife ask yourself why am I in this position? What is it about me that has led me here? What are my character traits,
background, previous relationships, relationship with my parents, or weaknesses that have led me here? You will usually find the partner of a sociopath is mentally and/or physically abused. Taken
for granted at the very least and perhaps physically beaten.
Sociopaths (or psychopaths) can become violent but withdrawn, inconsistent but driven, behave inexplicably at times yet according to a master plan, erratic but effective, irrational but lucid, in short
they are terrifying and unpredictable. They are moody and difficult to communicate with. Sociopaths and psychopaths can be extremely successful in a corporate environment (a lot of senior executives are driven sociopaths)
or political setting (a number of dictators are sociopaths or psychopaths for example Hitler, Stalin, Franco, Tito, Tiberius even [according to Tacitus] capable of extreme brutality, incomprehensible violence and repression).
So they can be great men and women. This is not the point, the point namely is how to sever the relationship without having to sever a limb, an artery, one's life.
Know who you're dealing with. Sociopaths even though they have no genuine human feelings that could make them capable of forming good relationships yet when in fear of rejection go absolutely crazy. Think about this, a sociopath is
by their very nature living a lie, living on the edge, already 9/10ths mad, living on the borderline of sanity, imagine what would happen to them (and you) if you rejected this madman/madwoman? They go ballistic.
Prevention is preferable to the cure. Why? By knowing some of the signs of sociopathy, you can avoid falling in love with one. A sociopath behaves strangely. For example when a scene in a movie or a situation calls for sadness they are
laughing uproariously. If you ever demean them or a present proferred by them, the wrath of god will descend upon you and smite you. A sociopath's behavior is not dictated by the normal sentiments, emotions and feelings that accompany daily
social interactions. It is difficult to explain or understand their motives. They react strangely or more to the point they fail to react in the normal accepted fashion to what is going on around them. Being with them is like trying to climb
a mountain and every time you try and punch a piton in the granite, it falls away without purchase.
About Gilbert Labour. He is an Executive Coach and Life Coach practicing in Sydney Australia but with a world wide interest in coaching with one of the world's leading life and executive coaching web sites. He has 30 years corporate experience in legal, government, telecommunication, banking & finance, insurance, accounting, IT and transportation. He is also a process improvement (Six Sigma, Lean) expert and an IT infra-structure professional within those industries. During these 30 years he has seen many examples of poor leaders and managers but doesn't recall a time quite like the present when there are so many poor leaders out there. He is available to consult and support on any aspect of executive coaching as it assists organisations in the midst of radical and fundamental change including process improvement efforts preceding large retrenchment programs. The cost of his involvement is dependent on the size of the business and the scope and location of the engagement.
Life Coaching Tips and Techniques No. 46
What is the path?
Where the "aftermath" of a mistake finishes or at least lessens and the new path can commence even in fledging mode -
mistake and aftermath ------(lost time/lost way)----------------------- effect of aftermath lessened new path commences -----(a renewal of hope & recovery)----------------------------- mistakes are made ---------(hopes shattered)---------- the new path ends, mistake and aftermath begins again ---------(lost time/lost way)-----------------
This is a unending cycle of failure and mistakes, aftermath and fallout such as regret and questioning of self and motives, renewed hope and recovery, mistakes and despair, hopes shattered, aftermath, improved capability and capacity, renewal of hope and recovery. Knowing this cycle how can you take advantage of it?
When inside the vortex of the aftermath of the mistake, failure don't try and leave it too soon or hurry the healing/grieving process, it takes time and there is a reason why it takes this time, it is nature's way of recovering. Don't mess with the timeframe no matter how painful it seems to stay inside the vortex or how great the temptation to ease the pain with alcohol or other substances. Seek help but don't seek oblivion. For most people the temptation to ease the pain with alcohol or other self medication. is too great.
As you realise it is a cycle, you will know that every period of happiness will be followed by despair and vice versa. This is an unyielding law. This allows you to plan for when you will come out into the sunshine and breathe/live again.
Just as you make use of the 'up' time to create things, achieve this, do this, stop or start relationships (with care), invent and implement things, so use the down time to also plan for when you will be up again. You may need some training, some qualification, some experience for the 'up time' now is the right time to get it. Do the training course whilst waiting for the weather to clear. You will find the learning and the improvement in the weather will meld into one.
Be aware of the dynamics of the 'up' and 'down' time. Don't give up things in the down time that you will regret in the up time. Don't take on too many big or difficult things in the 'up' time that you will be unable to service in the 'down' time. Try as much as possible to load balance between 'up' and 'down' time and keep it as even as possible given your prevailing moods.
Be aware of dips on the radar of either up or down time. They may be an indication of a change in the weather or just that a blip. Know the difference.
Develop an early warning system so you know when up is about to go to down or vice versa so you can take advantage of the changeover or even delay it if you can.
Know what it takes for you to turn down into up and up into down. What are the things that you do that influence the barometer one way or another.
For example risky behaviour like having affairs and/or taking drugs might tip the scales one way especially if anything goes wrong. Starting an exercise program might tip the scales from down to up over the period of 4 weeks.
There is sometimes only a thin membrane between success and failure so correspondingly there is only a thin dividing line between' up' and 'down'. But know the depth, length, make-up, colour, taste of the barrier. That is the sweet taste of success or the bitter taste of failure. Sometimes the thinnest barriers are the hardest to crack.
If the 'mistake' is not a mistake at all but it is still al smashed up how do you treat it? For example, if someone you have been in a relationship with terminates it (but for you it was all fine and good) then it is still a mistake, it never worked out for you.
The first pebble stone, way back for you is to acknowledge that you made a mistake even though you may still love that person and just thinking about characterising the relationship as a mistake hurts beyond all description.
The way back from the pain is twofold. Do not seek help, chew over it daily, hourly, every moment in time. This way will take a long long time to recover with the added disadvantage that you'll probably make the same mistake again because someone has not been there to provide the guidance and advice you need (beside the support you may also need).
Alternatively seek help, peace and calm will arrive somewhat sooner with the added advantage that you may with someone's expert help have added insight into how you got into this problem and how you may (not will) avoid it in the future.
Most people make the mistake 2,3,4 or even 5 times before they learn not to make it or create situations where to make this particular mistake is unavoidable, inevitable and a natural consequence. The sobering thought is that you may not make that mistake again (after 5 times) but you will make others (new ones).
Coaches Commentary
What does this mean for coaches? A new feature of the web site. I will provide a commentary for what this may mean in a coaching situation, a coaching relationship voluntary or commercial and what it could mean in terms of business development for a life coach or executive coach.
Probably the hardest thing to do is to advise someone who is in the 'aftermath ------(lost time/lost way)' stage. How to guide someone out of their minds, not in their normal mode of thinking. The challenge for a life coach is to connect with that person. A great deal of thought and effort must go into working out how to re-connect with this person. How and on what level.
For example it is palpable the pain that someone is going through after a relationship breakdown but how do you interpose yourself (as a life coach) and get into the space of that person when that space is full of self-loathing, anger, regret, despair, lost illusions and confidence breakers? Where do you start? The start is being able to understand the immense pain this person is going through. As a life coach you must show you understand, appreciate and feel that pain also if only in sympathy.
As a safeguard for your own sanity, do not go down into the morass of pain and hell you have (gone through) to help this person (your client possibly). Ensure the help is at a professional level and you do not go down and touch that pain even though there are solutions or ways to the solution for this client's problems down there without doubt.
I have written this as result of personal experience of grief and pain but also with a current person in mind so that the advice is fresh and green just as the pain of that person. It is watching someone in excruciating agony and not being able to give them an antidote to this pain (modern society has come up with pain deadeners for most pain except this pain) that gives this article its relevance. I cannot sit back and watch somebody suffer like I have for no reason, after all the object of our former affections doesn't give a damn and if they do give a damn then they're not worthy of our affections. It is only later that we realise our worth, our value but in the middle of the crisis we are worthless in our eyes at least. The journey back is a long way back, if ever for some never come back and remain at
base camp for the rest of their lives and never give it another chance.
About Gilbert Labour. He is an Executive Coach and Life Coach practicing in Sydney Australia but with a world wide interest in coaching with one of the world's leading life and executive coaching web sites. He has 30 years corporate experience in legal, government, telecommunication, banking & finance, insurance, accounting, IT and transportation. He is also a process improvement (Six Sigma, Lean) expert and an IT infra-structure professional within those industries. In his forties he has reinvented himself as a life and executive coach with some success. This web site is part of the achievement. This web site is currently under redevelopment which will be completed by the 30 May 05. He is also a fitness convert and runs up to 2 hours three times a week and has lost 20 kilos in the six months.
Life Coaching Tips and Techniques No. 10
Obesity and the roller coaster ride from nadir to zenith and back
There are five journeys in obesity, which one are you on now?
Why are there obese people when there are people starving in the world? Is obesity a medical problem rather than
one of lack of self-control or perhaps even one using food for sexual/sensual gratification for masking (?) the real problems?
How successful is someone who is 250 kilos at 'masking' or hiding the problem?
The five journeys is obesity are -
Getting there becoming obese, this is the easiest journey of all and happens almost without you knowing. This journey is on the road to death.
Staying there at a steady weight, this is a hard journey because the tendency is to put on more weight not less. This journey is a slow death.
The next journey is one into hell and that is on the road to putting on more and more weight. This is the last journey these people even embark on.
This journey ends in death.
The penultimate journey and the one with the most difficulty starting is the road back away from obesity. The enormous journey back is not the problem
but the first step back, the first gram lost. This journey is not a journey of weight loss but a journey to lose the fears and problems that the weight gain had
temporarily put on the back burner. This second last journey is the life coaching journey and has much less to do with weight loss, exercise and fitness and more to do with
facing problems in their real intensity and fury perhaps for the first time since the decision taken to embark on the first journey.
The last journey and that is to keep the weight at the target weight after the massive task of weight loss because again the tendency is to put the weight back on
even faster than before and much much faster than it was lost. For every gram lost a kilo is put on.
Work with a life coach who understands your weight problem is not a weight problem but a personal problem posing, impersonating a weight problem. Someone who knows which
journey you are on and can make sure you either move to the next healthy journey or stay at the healthy journey you're on.
New Life Coaching Service Model - All Inclusive Platinum Service
Product Features
One new low totally all inclusive monthly fee ($400 AUS) - currently this is $500 AUS. Saving $100 AUS per month.
No contracts whatsoever, pay as you go month by month. Start when you want, stop when you want. No questions asked.
No need to furnish more than your first name. No notes taken during any sessions and no personal identifying details asked for, required or noted down.
Coaching can take place exclusively by phone and/or internet but it is preferred that an initial one on one session take place but this is not essential.
All inclusive, no exclusions, all services available (as per below).
Paid once a month at the beginning of the month (non refundable if cancelled during month).
Entitled to the full range of services (one on one, SMS, Mobile, Phone, ICQ, MSN Messenger, MS Netmeeting) on an as required basis. But does not
include CD and video conferencing products.
Use as much of the service as you require but please note as coaching is a relationship which requires and places responsibility on you to complete
agreed upon tasks, there will be regular scheduled feedback and catchup sessions. These are usually by phone or ICQ.
Clearly articulated and set goals such as embarking on a new career, changing careers, developing new small business, creating small business growth,
preparation for retirement, developing additional income in/for retirement.
These services include small business development coaching, product development and promotion, and press release preparation.
Payment and services commences in the calendar month of first payment and lasts till the end of the next month, then regular monthy payments commence on the 1st of each month thereafter (for example) ---
Paid 1 month on 15th of July - $400
Payment due on 1st August - Nil
Payment due on 1st September - $400
Payment and services terminates at the end of the calendar month of the last payment as follows (for example) ---
Payment made on 1st October - $400
Decision to cancel made 4th October and notice to do so received on that day or any day within the month
No refund policy but services available until 31st October if required
No further payments then required due to cancellation
The Platinum Life Coaching Product is now the only life coaching product available aside from
tailored programs and the featured programs.
50% Discount for bona fide students. The fee for students is $200 per month.
You will receive an exceptional level of service and care from one of the best life coaches practicing today.
Coaching Programs
555 Program
The 555 Program is complementary to the 333 Program and is part of a family of programs called The Numbered Series, a simplification of a plethora of products, services and programs into
a number of specifically targeted set of programs that target a very specific audience with a limited amount of time and resources to devote to a life and executive coaching program. The programs
covers a set of goals over a set period for a specific (one time only) fee.
The key goals of the 555 Program is to be able to run 5k in 5 months, to solve 5 life coaching issues or problems in 5 months and to investigate and resolve 5 executive coaching problems
in 5 months.
Life Coaching Portal Programs
Beyond the existing Diamond program being run on the portal, a series of additional programs are being developed to be run for specific audiences and which have very clear targets and goals.
These include the following.
The 555 Program
Gilbert Labour, will personally run this program. It will probably take in the region of 10 suitable people and run for 5 months. The program is multi-faceted and covers three main streams a fitness stream, a life coaching stream
dealing with personal issues and an executive stream to supercharge your work, business and corporate environment.
The first stream is a fitness element. The goal is to be able to run 5k (non stop) in five months and be able to lose 5 kilos in the process. This is a modest achievement and is considered a healthy approach to fitness generally.
I am a former fitness instructor and dance teacher and can provide guidance in this area. You will need a clearance from your doctor if you're over 45.
The second stream is a life coaching element. The goal of the life coaching is to investigate a number of current personal issues and focus on 5 for resolution in 5 months. One to be resolved or at least worked on each month.
The third stream is an executive coaching element. The goal of this element is to come up with five goals or issues to be dealt with in the 5 months of the program. These could involve working towards a promotion, changing jobs, changing careers,
leaving the corporate environment and developing a small business. For the hard core executives and other corporate thrivers and survivors there will be a number of areas that include executive interview training and executive decision making that can be covered.
There are many others and these can be chosen based on your current goals. The aim of this stream is canvass all the possibilities and focus on only 5 and work through each one.
The cost of the program varies. To take part on a one-on-one basis with Gilbert Labour will cost $5000. To take part in a group setting will cost $2000. Individual programs can start at anytime considered suitable.
To provide this program on a company wide basis (more than 10 people), please call Gilbert Labour for a quote.
Please call Gilbert Labour on 0409 223 436 if you would like to take part. Further information on the 555 Program is available from the portal.
General Information
I also do a small amount of pro-bono work in the area of life coaching. I belong to the Life Coaching Pro Bono Group (LCPBG), a group of life coaches I am putting together to do this type of work for people in need but who may not be able to afford the services of a full fee life coach. We make allowances for your circumstances and also on the understanding that once you're back on your
feet, your capacity to contribute to your life coaching will also improve.
Generally speaking, we will set clear goals, we will put in place plans to attain those goals, we will execute the plan effectively. We will monitor and survey the results and ensure our goals are met. In most cases, we will envelope what we are trying to achieve into a coaching programme.
I operate flexibly taking into account the needs of the client as we progress with the programme.
Please call me on my mobile (0409 223 436) for a confidential discussion to begin the journey of self discovery.
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which search engines the site appears on. If you do not follow this rule, I will delete your request immediately. Please also no "home business" or no content web sites or those that use those robotised
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