Controlling your anger, emotions, frustration, bad moods, temper. Strategies to help you do so. Don't get hung up on the past, there is no such thing.
We see the past through the prism of today, perceptions of past success or failure is determined by the current situation. To improve your past, improve your
current situation with life coaching.
Is there a way of controlling a titanic temper when that temper is as a result of a massive internal struggle between the forces of good (action and moving
forward) and evil (inaction and brooding)? Anger has many causes but one of the most common found in life coaching situations is regret fuelled by the feeling that
great opportunities were not fully maximised or squandered and that time is now running out and that opportunities will no longer present themselves (this of course
forgets the fact that most opportunities we create for ourselves). There is a rule I learnt earlier - that thoughts and feelings cannot and should not be controlled -
they come they do their thing and perhaps leave eventually. I leave this question open for the moment and push on to what you can do to bring some calm and sanity to
your life when it may/could be a mess and everything around you is a mess and everybody else is losing their heads in the melee/fracas.
Are there some life coaching strategies to help you make sense of the 'mess' and problems around you, with you, inside you and managed by you that you need to
go near and perhaps resolve to move on?
The source of your anger and frustration and other emotional issues is partly to do with what is currently happening or not happening in your life but mostly to do with how you have previously faced the same or similar problems and how you have dealt with them. The ideal resolution is of course to fully understand why it was a problem and changing our behaviour (in the past) to accommodate the lessons learnt from dealing with those problems. But that of course is the ideal, mostly we blunder on from mistake to mistake with no idea or thought that we may be repeating the same mistake a number of times. My guess is that most people make the same mistake at least 4 times before they learn and stop and do it some other way.
Perform triage (not a post mortem) on the issues you are dealing with and colliding with. The key here is to go near those that matter to the future as soon as possible (as time and resources allows) and leave those behind that matter but do not matter in/for the future as much. Without this triage you would soon be overwhelmed by too many problems, not enough time and too few resources to resolve them. It all matters but some matter more than others, some people matter more than others, some issues or problems matter more than others, some key items of the future matter more than others.
For the moment, do not try to immediately resolve yesterday's problems today. Initially just resolve the current burning issues. These will relieve the immediate pressure. When these are under control then take time out to resolve yesterday's problems most probably in their current guise and context, you will find them in their original form almost impossible to identify without help (they are too well hidden from us).
If for some reason you are a control freak and you need to be able to influence matters not just merely around you but beyond then you are heading for disaster. Keeping people under lock and key is also a sign of keeping yourself very tightly under control perhaps because you fear losing it, going out of control and not being able to respond spontaneously to changing situations and developments as they occur. Death by 100 Todo lists. If that is your thing, you need to work out a strategy to let go, to let it go.
Some degree of control over your performance and a basic understanding of your performance envelope and thresholds is important so you do not put the machine (you) into situations where you cannot perform or make compromises that you cannot comfortably meet. The key is to ensure that your performance is always within your permitted thresholds. Never over-commit yourself to anything, any task, any job, any person, any relationship, any financial commitment it is just not worth it in the long run. There is no other earning $200k a year for three years and then have to take 2 years off to recover from a breakdown. It is much better to earn $50k on a steady basis and retain your sanity and stability.
There is an internal tendency to push the limits just like a disk spinning at high speeds has a tendency to wobble so a person operating at high capacity at peak performance has a tendency to go faster and faster until the machine breaks down. The desire and need to go faster and perform more feats is a self fulfilling prophecy and feeds on itself eventually destroying or damaging the machine.
Get the body in top physical shape. This will not totally eliminate your anger management problem but it will provide a platform for you to begin to deal with this problem, it will provide a piece of calm air, a clear ground that will allow you to concentrate on the problem. Detox and quit smoking and drinking alcohol for the moment whilst you're in problem solving mode.
This of course means losing excess weight. Easy to say and write but super hard to do. In the Northern Hemisphere in the depths of winter shortly, exercising is difficult to do. In the Southern Hemisphere, it is quite hot and also difficult to exercise. In either case, a diet and exercise regime is difficult to start, maintain and continue with.
Understand the conditions, the people, the environment and the other precursors that give rise to and lead to your anger and other emotional problems. Can you mitigate any of these? Can you eliminate any of these? Can you down play any of the effect of any of these?
Take time out from any environment or situation (that you suspect) is giving rise to the problem. After some time do the same feelings arise again but the environment has changed? In other words the problem is not the environment or others but you (which you may have suspected all along) Or are they now gone? What is in their place?
To really get to the root cause of any problem, you must leave the problem in. Unfortunately that is difficult to do. A bit like having a migraine but not being able to take some pain killers to eliminate it. The reason it has to stay in is because it is only by doing this that the phenomenal solution engine that is our brain can work out why this is such a problem for us? There is the solution there but most people eject the problem from their brain by ignoring it (not with any real success) or by using self medication (alcohol, smoking, drugs) with greater short term success but with longer term extremely damaging consequences. But besides the long term physical affects the problem with not resolving the problem is that it will recur perhaps not in its present from but in some other guise (different but similar).
Only take on those problems that you personally can resolve, have control to resolve, have the power/influence, resources and budget to resolve. Those that are within your circle to resolve. Don't try and solve other people's problems. Yours are big enough and then some. Don't take on something too big instead try on something that you can resolve in one month (but something that really matters to resolving this problem) - any longer time and you will have been distracted by something else within that period.
Now and then look back on the past, make friends with the past, reconcile with the past and your previous situations whether perceived now in the future as failures or not. Ironically, this is not related to the failure/success of the past event but how we perceive ourselves to be now (failure or success). This is a curious situation in that the present (say you're 30) appears in one form if we look at it 5 years hence (when we're say 35) and different when we look back on it 15 years hence (when we're 45). Why is that when the present is of course the same in either case. It is because the experience of the future has begun to reshape the experience/memories of the past, in fact it changes them and creates them in the image of the new present. If the present (now) is successful then the past experience (whether good or bad)
is seen as steps to get to the future, if the present (now) is a failure then the past experience (whether good or bad) is seen as the beginning of the end the beginning of the downturn. If good it is seen as the last time things were good and if it is was bad then that was the start of the bad period.
What we perceive today as the past is actually being shaped today on a daily basis. Hour by hour. Minute by minute. Second by second, Event by event.
Is this somewhat contrary to the view that we have a core set, a baseline if you will of values and beliefs that we do not resile from? I don't try and answer that question here. I think there is a relationship and connection between the core values and the events as they occur, the core values is probably the prism that breaks the light of experience into its constituent elements and makes the deliberations/decisions about success or failure.
Why does time drag sometimes? Making use of your time. There is no need to be busy and doing things to make good use of your time. When an engine is off, it is just as useful as when it is on as it has the potential to come on at anytime and be useful. But the use of time that will in the future positively affect and shape the presents (in the future that is - there is no other reality) is a good use of your time.
Life Coaching Tips and Techniques No. 10
Obesity and the roller coaster ride from nadir to zenith and back
There are five journeys in obesity, which one are you on now?
Why are there obese people when there are people starving in the world? Is obesity a medical problem rather than
one of lack of self-control or perhaps even one using food for sexual/sensual gratification for masking (?) the real problems?
How successful is someone who is 250 kilos at 'masking' or hiding the problem?
The five journeys is obesity are -
Getting there becoming obese, this is the easiest journey of all and happens almost without you knowing. This journey is on the road to death.
Staying there at a steady weight, this is a hard journey because the tendency is to put on more weight not less. This journey is a slow death.
The next journey is one into hell and that is on the road to putting on more and more weight. This is the last journey these people even embark on.
This journey ends in death.
The penultimate journey and the one with the most difficulty starting is the road back away from obesity. The enormous journey back is not the problem
but the first step back, the first gram lost. This journey is not a journey of weight loss but a journey to lose the fears and problems that the weight gain had
temporarily put on the back burner. This second last journey is the life coaching journey and has much less to do with weight loss, exercise and fitness and more to do with
facing problems in their real intensity and fury perhaps for the first time since the decision taken to embark on the first journey.
The last journey and that is to keep the weight at the target weight after the massive task of weight loss because again the tendency is to put the weight back on
even faster than before and much much faster than it was lost. For every gram lost a kilo is put on.
Work with a life coach who understands your weight problem is not a weight problem but a personal problem posing, impersonating a weight problem. Someone who knows which
journey you are on and can make sure you either move to the next healthy journey or stay at the healthy journey you're on.
New Life Coaching Service Model - All Inclusive Platinum Service
Product Features
One new low totally all inclusive monthly fee ($400 AUS) - currently this is $500 AUS. Saving $100 AUS per month.
No contracts whatsoever, pay as you go month by month. Start when you want, stop when you want. No questions asked.
No need to furnish more than your first name. No notes taken during any sessions and no personal identifying details asked for, required or noted down.
Coaching can take place exclusively by phone and/or internet but it is preferred that an initial one on one session take place but this is not essential.
All inclusive, no exclusions, all services available (as per below).
Paid once a month at the beginning of the month (non refundable if cancelled during month).
Entitled to the full range of services (one on one, SMS, Mobile, Phone, ICQ, MSN Messenger, MS Netmeeting) on an as required basis. But does not
include CD and video conferencing products.
Use as much of the service as you require but please note as coaching is a relationship which requires and places responsibility on you to complete
agreed upon tasks, there will be regular scheduled feedback and catchup sessions. These are usually by phone or ICQ.
Clearly articulated and set goals such as embarking on a new career, changing careers, developing new small business, creating small business growth,
preparation for retirement, developing additional income in/for retirement.
These services include small business development coaching, product development and promotion, and press release preparation.
Payment and services commences in the calendar month of first payment and lasts till the end of the next month, then regular monthy payments commence on the 1st of each month thereafter (for example) ---
Paid 1 month on 15th of July - $400
Payment due on 1st August - Nil
Payment due on 1st September - $400
Payment and services terminates at the end of the calendar month of the last payment as follows (for example) ---
Payment made on 1st October - $400
Decision to cancel made 4th October and notice to do so received on that day or any day within the month
No refund policy but services available until 31st October if required
No further payments then required due to cancellation
The Platinum Life Coaching Product is now the only life coaching product available aside from
tailored programs and the featured programs.
50% Discount for bona fide students. The fee for students is $200 per month.
You will receive an exceptional level of service and care from one of the best life coaches practicing today.
Coaching Programs
555 Program
The 555 Program is complementary to the 333 Program and is part of a family of programs called The Numbered Series, a simplification of a plethora of products, services and programs into
a number of specifically targeted set of programs that target a very specific audience with a limited amount of time and resources to devote to a life and executive coaching program. The programs
covers a set of goals over a set period for a specific (one time only) fee.
The key goals of the 555 Program is to be able to run 5k in 5 months, to solve 5 life coaching issues or problems in 5 months and to investigate and resolve 5 executive coaching problems
in 5 months.
Life Coaching Portal Programs
Beyond the existing Diamond program being run on the portal, a series of additional programs are being developed to be run for specific audiences and which have very clear targets and goals.
These include the following.
The 555 Program
Gilbert Labour, will personally run this program. It will probably take in the region of 10 suitable people and run for 5 months. The program is multi-faceted and covers three main streams a fitness stream, a life coaching stream
dealing with personal issues and an executive stream to supercharge your work, business and corporate environment.
The first stream is a fitness element. The goal is to be able to run 5k (non stop) in five months and be able to lose 5 kilos in the process. This is a modest achievement and is considered a healthy approach to fitness generally.
I am a former fitness instructor and dance teacher and can provide guidance in this area. You will need a clearance from your doctor if you're over 45.
The second stream is a life coaching element. The goal of the life coaching is to investigate a number of current personal issues and focus on 5 for resolution in 5 months. One to be resolved or at least worked on each month.
The third stream is an executive coaching element. The goal of this element is to come up with five goals or issues to be dealt with in the 5 months of the program. These could involve working towards a promotion, changing jobs, changing careers,
leaving the corporate environment and developing a small business. For the hard core executives and other corporate thrivers and survivors there will be a number of areas that include executive interview training and executive decision making that can be covered.
There are many others and these can be chosen based on your current goals. The aim of this stream is canvass all the possibilities and focus on only 5 and work through each one.
The cost of the program varies. To take part on a one-on-one basis with Gilbert Labour will cost $5000. To take part in a group setting will cost $2000. Individual programs can start at anytime considered suitable.
To provide this program on a company wide basis (more than 10 people), please call Gilbert Labour for a quote.
Please call Gilbert Labour on 0409 223 436 if you would like to take part. Further information on the 555 Program is available from the portal.
General Information
I also do a small amount of pro-bono work in the area of life coaching. I belong to the Life Coaching Pro Bono Group (LCPBG), a group of life coaches I am putting together to do this type of work for people in need but who may not be able to afford the services of a full fee life coach. We make allowances for your circumstances and also on the understanding that once you're back on your
feet, your capacity to contribute to your life coaching will also improve.
Generally speaking, we will set clear goals, we will put in place plans to attain those goals, we will execute the plan effectively. We will monitor and survey the results and ensure our goals are met. In most cases, we will envelope what we are trying to achieve into a coaching programme.
I operate flexibly taking into account the needs of the client as we progress with the programme.
Please call me on my mobile (0409 223 436) for a confidential discussion to begin the journey of self discovery.
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