Too Big for his Breeches

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"Archie, don't turn around but there's a hole in your trousers."

"Oh, no! Where, Horatio? Where's the hole?"

"They've split, Archie!"

"Up my arse?"

"Yes."

"Damn! I knew they were a bit tight but..."

"Watch out, the Captain's headed this way!"

"He has his eye on my arse. Watch, Horatio!"

"Gentlemen, is there a problem?"

"Uh, no, sir."

"No, sir."

"Mr Kennedy?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Turn around."

"Yes, sir."

<pause>

"Dear, dear, dear! And how did this unhappy circumstance come about?"

"Uh, I believe it was when I was climbing down from the fighting top, sir."

"I... see. Your arse would appear to be somewhat... ample for your trousers, sir."

"Ample, sir?"

"Ample, sir. And give me one good reason why I should not have you punished for performing your duties while in a state of indecency, hm?"

"Oh! Sir, if I might have a word with you in private?"

"Very well."

*

"Sir, with regard to my somewhat ample arse...?"

"Mm, what about it?"

"Uh, is it too ample, sir?"

"Only for your trousers, sir."

"So you... don't find it too ample then, sir?"

"Let me see. Mm, I should say that that's a very fine arse."

"You think so, sir?"

"Mm, very find indeed. Most shapely in fact."

"Why thank you, sir. I am quite proud of it."

"And justifiably so, sir."

"If I may be so bold, sir, would you care to... punish me now?"

"Mm, I take your meaning, sir. Do you take mine?"

"Yes, sir. Aye, aye, sir!"

<long pause>

"And now, sir, I shall fetch you a clean pair of breeches."

"Mmm, do I need breeches, sir?"

"Come to think of it, Mr Kennedy, perhaps not. You're a little too big for them anyway."

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