Chapter XXII

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An Extravagant Afternoon

Shortly after we moved to Willow Grove our friends decided to give us a house-warming party - a most pleasant and memorable occasion as it turned out.  However, it also proved to be the catalyst to once more lure a most intimate acquaintance out of hiding.

As I recall, it was during our first week at Willow Grove that we received a telephone call from our dear friend, Lady Hilda Trelawney Hope, to inquire how we were settling in.  She informed me that she and Trelawney were coming to throw us a house-warming party on the Saturday afternoon.  Knowing well Holmes's reticence to attend such affairs, I insisted that this really was much too generous on her part.  However, the lady was quite resolute and said that the Nortons were in town and would come as well.

At this news my ever-unsociable partner threw up his hands in disgust.  "In that case I shall leave the entertaining in your capable hands and retire to my lab for the duration!"

I sighed.  Some things never changed.

"But, Holmes, they are our friends and they only want to wish us well.  Besides, they are bound to bring gifts, so you simply can't refuse to see them."

"Watson, you should never have had got the infernal contraption connected!"

"But, Holmes, you were the one who insisted on having the telephone connected so that Scotland Yard could contact us when they needed to!" I protested.

"Huh!  Well, you should not have informed all and sundry of our whereabouts."

"Hardly ‘all and sundry', merely our friends," I defended.  "Besides, you know as well as I that, had I not told them, they would simply have found our number through the local exchange."

"Huh!"

My stubborn partner hated it when I used his own logic back at him and simply gave me the silent treatment.  However, at that moment an idea occurred to me.

"You know, Holmes, I was just thinking - I haven't seen our dear friend, Sarah, for an age.  Do you think she might possibly be persuaded...?"

For a moment he seemed taken aback, putting down his pipe and interlacing his long fingers.  As I continued to observe him a small smile momentarily crossed his lips and he glanced at me sideways from under his dark lashes.

"Of course, I can make no promises for the lady, but I shall see if she can spare the time from her busy social calendar."

"After all, Holmes, she does love parties..." I could not help adding.

"Indeed, my dear.  Indeed she does."

From the languid, dreamy-eyed expression on his face I could see that he was already considering the possibilities.

The following Saturday morning dawned clear and bright.  Holmes disappeared shortly after breakfast.  It was some two hours later as I was completing an entry into one of our private journals that the doorbell rang.  As Mrs. Galston was busy with preparations for the party I went to answer it myself.

There, framed in the entrance foyer was a stunningly enchanting lady whom I had not seen for far too long.  I am no expert when it comes to ladies fashions but I shall endeavour to describe Lady Sarah Hawthorne's outfit for it was most attractive.

Every inch a lady of fashion, Sarah wore her hair cut short in soft curls around her face in the current style.  She was wearing a deep green velvet dress with black trim, belted at the waist and the straight skirt in layers.  I also could not help but notice that the skirt, as fashionable ladies wore them now, showed a considerable amount of shapely ankle.  Over this she wore a short black velvet jacket with dark green trim and large silver buttons.  At her neck glittered a lovely necklace of silver and emeralds with a matching brooch on her jacket.  On her feet were black, beaded, low-heeled pumps and on her head was a small black velvet hat with green feathers and a net that covered her eyes.

It was plain to see that this was a lady of refinement, elegance, taste and style and I was of the opinion that she had never looked more lovely.

"Enchanté, mon cher John!" she greeted me warmly, a soft smile on her lips as she held out her gloved hands to me.

"My dear, dear Sarah!"

As I took her hands in mine, I squeezed them gently before raising them to my lips to kiss.  Sarah then allowed me to kiss her cheeks in the French style.  Her mere presence, looking as lovely and graceful as ever, simply dazzled my senses.

Breathing deeply of her wonderful lilac scent, I murmured, "It has been an eternity since our last rendezvous, dear lady!"

"Ah, mon chéri, I have missed you too!" she murmured in her delightfully husky Anglo-Gallic manner while removing her gloves.  "I am so glad that your friend, Monsieur Holmes, invited me to your little house-warming party.  Is he around?"

"Alas he is up in his lab.  You know how he is, he just loathes parties."

"C'est ça!  But never mind, we enjoy ourselves, no?"

"Indeed we shall!  And may I say how lovely you look, my dear!"

Close up, I observed the kohl around her eyes and the delightful pink colouring on her lips.  She noticed me looking at her mouth.

"It is new.  It is called lipstick.  You like?"

"Very much!  Most attractive!" I praised.

Curious about the taste of lipstick I leant forward to give her a little kiss, only to be hastily rebuffed.

"Enfant méchant!  You will ruin my lipstick!" she rebuked.

"Forgive me, dearest Sarah, but I find you much too tempting."

She smiled sweetly at me.  "Later for that, mon ami."

Later indeed, I vowed, reflecting that lipstick might look attractive but it certainly had its drawbacks.

Shortly thereafter the roar of two motor cars coming up the driveway signalled the arrival of our friends and we went to greet our guests.  Lady Hilda and Irene Norton greeted Sarah most warmly and exchanged kisses.

Lady Hilda, looking most attractive in a navy blue cotton affair with a matching wide-brimmed hat, promptly proclaimed, "Why, Sarah, I saw that outfit in Harrods only last week!  I almost bought it for myself!  Oh, but you look just lovely in it, my dear."

"Ah, merci beaucoup, ma cher Hilda!  You are too kind!  And look at you!  You look just lovely!  That dress is just sweet!  And look at you, Irene!  Paris?"  She referred to Irene's outfit of a short, beaded floral jacket over a matching floral dress and white hat.

"Bien sûr, ma cher Sarah!"

"Come, chérie, you must tell me all about it!"

As the weather, for once, was kind we had chosen to eat outdoors and Mrs. Galston truly excelled herself, the ladies complaining that if they ate like that every day they would no longer fit into their garments.

After lunch Irene announced that she had brought with her the latest ladies fashion magazines from Paris and the women pored over them, oohing and ahing and determined to get their dressmakers to copy the designs.

The Nortons had just returned from Europe and were filled with talk of their travels and the concert season in Paris and Milan.  Irene looked radiant and it never failed to amuse me that she and Hilda always seemed to regard Sarah simply as a woman.  To them, she was one of them and was treated accordingly.

Everybody brought gifts too and we received some lovely presents, some of a highly personal nature that had Sarah giggling uproariously.  Many of course were for Holmes and I had to promise to give them to him later.

It was some time later whilst I was in the midst of discussing the latest cricket match with Norton and Lord Hope I overheard Lady Hilda declare, "My dear, you simply must get new curtains.  Those things are positively mid-Victorian.  Why they must be at least thirty years old!  And look at that wallpaper!"I groaned inwardly.  I liked the place as it was, no doubt because it was largely furnished as I remembered it from our earliest visits here.  From then on I was only half listening as Hope was telling us the news from Whitehall for Hilda was saying, "How fortunate that I brought along the latest issue of my favourite home decorating magazine.  I anticipated that you might need help, my dear, and you certainly do!"

From somewhere the publication was produced and the ladies were busy admiring the various pictures in it.  "Ooh, look at that!" Irene remarked.  "Wouldn't that look just lovely right over there in the corner!"  I glanced furtively at the corner in question and wondered what was wrong with it the way it was with a heavy, leather-backed armchair sitting in it.

"Let us see the rest of the place, my dear Sarah, and we will decide what is the best thing to do!" Hilda declared.

As the three of them rose to leave the room I glanced over at them and Sarah smiled sweetly at me as the other two ladies followed her out of the room.  I was beginning to think that suggesting that Sarah come to our little house-warming party might prove to be far more costly than I could ever have imagined.  In fact, it could turn out to be a most extravagant afternoon indeed, I realised, sighing inwardly.  Thereafter I resolved to pay attention to Norton who was regaling us with the tale of a fellow lawyer who had a client, a poor miserly sod who had had his manhood removed by a lady of the night because he had refused to pay for ‘services rendered'.  Holmes would have enjoyed this tale.  I decided that I must remember to tell him about it later.

At least a half hour passed before the ladies returned and my worst fears were confirmed as Hilda proclaimed, "You need organising, my dear!"

"Oui, Hilda, you are quite right," Sarah agreed.

"I shall send dear Percy Hamilton over and he will have this place looking like new in no time at all."

‘Percy Hamilton'? I wondered in growing dismay.

"And what have you girls been doing?" Norton cheerfully inquired.

"While you men have been discussing boring old sport and politics, we have been busy planning new furnishings for John and Sarah's new home," Hilda remarked.

Hope briefly directed his gaze heavenward.  "Hilda, John was just telling us he's practically in queer street after buying this place."

"Nonsense, my dear!  Sarah is going to pay for all the new furnishings herself, aren't you, Sarah?"

Sarah smiled at her.  "Bien sûr, ma cher Hilda!  We will soon have this place looking like new!" she enthused.  "Oh, it will be just so exciting!  I can't wait to see it with new furniture and curtains - and carpet too!" she added.  "Now you must let me show you the garden!"

As Sarah led Irene and Hilda out onto the porch Hope remarked sotto voce, "Well I always thought Holmes was a bit odd but I was sure that he was one of us, but now he seems to be one of them."

"I agree," Norton commented.  "Watson old chap, I don't know how you cope."

"Oh, Holmes is easy to live with - once you know how!" I added.

Diplomatically, I refrained from mentioning that their wives frequently liked to dress in men's clothing and have a night on the town together.  I will never forget the time Holmes and I spotted them at the Cafe Royal drinking whisky and soda and kicking up their heels in the company of other like-minded ladies.  As the hour was late and we were concerned for their safety we had insisted that they share our carriage, though, as it turned out, our fears for their safety were probably misplaced as both ladies were armed with small pistols, insisting that they would not go out without them.  I pitied the poor sod who came up against this formidable duo.  Of course, being a gentleman I did not inquire as to the true nature of their relationship.

There was also the time when Holmes needed help on a case and recruited both Lady Hilda and Irene to dress as ‘ladies of the night', but that's another story.

Although our friends returned many times to visit us and we, of course, visited them, that particular day spent in the their company in our new home was somehow very special.

Since the gardener had now cut the long grass around the house we were able to set up a game of croquet on the lawn.  It was a warm afternoon and Mrs. Galston brought us long, cool glasses of delicious lemonade with which to refresh ourselves.

Having played croquet previously with both Hope and Norton, I knew from past experience that the competition would be keen and the cheating outrageous, as indeed it was, but we were laughing far too much to care.  Later, a somewhat heated argument developed between Norton and Hope, the latter insisting that his shot had passed under the hoop in question, the former insisting that it had most definitely not.

"Look here, old boy, that's just not cricket...er, I mean croquet!" Norton protested.  "You just can't do that!  That ball ricoch..." Somehow Norton just could not get his tongue around the word.  "It richo..."  He shook his head in frustration.  "Hell, it bounced off the side and you know it!"

"I know no such thing!  It went under both hoops!" Hope defended.

"Only the second one, therefore when it struck my ball it was illegal!" Norton declared.

"Both!  The ball went through both hoops!  It was a great shot and you're jealous because your ball is out in the rough!  Besides you cheated on your last shot!" Hope proclaimed with some disdain.

"I beg your pardon, I did not!" Norton protested.

In the end it was Sarah, who was keeping score, who settled it.

"Mon Dieu, les enfants méchant!" she rebuked.  "I deduct two points each!"

Both men turned to her in outrage.

"Sarah, you can not do that!  That is grossly unfair!" Hope protested.

"Well if it wasn't for your cheating..." Norton proceeded to accuse.

"My cheating!  Why I'll have you know I was croquet champion at Cambridge!" Hope defended.

"Well that about says it all - a Cambridge man!  So that's where you learnt how to cheat!" Norton derided.

"Well I never!  But what can you expect from an Oxford man?" Hope demanded of no one in particular.

Sarah was impatiently tapping her pencil against her note pad.  "I deduct a further point each for arguing," she declared.

"Sarah, give us back our points!" Hope demanded.

"Yes, give us back our points," Norton agreed.  "You have no right to take them away from us."

In a somewhat haughty manner Sarah shook her finger at them and announced, "And I deduct a further point each for disputing the judge's decision."

"Oh, get on with it, you two!" Hilda chided.  "You have been arguing for the last five minutes and Irene and I are still waiting our turns!"

"I agree.  You two have got off very lightly so do hurry along," Irene chided.

"Irene!  You are supposed to be on my side!" Norton complained to his wife.

"Yes, and you, dear Hilda, are my partner and you're supposed to be on my side!" Hope chimed in.

"Huh!" his wife retorted.  "Perhaps next game we should play each to his own sex."

Hope shook his head.  "That would hardly be fair.  After all we three males against two females.  The outcome would be a foregone conclusion," he boasted.

Oh, no! I thought.  From past experience I knew that the outcome of the ensuing discussion was also a foregone conclusion.  Wisely, I refrained from commenting.

Sitting in her chair, Sarah gave a sigh of boredom, crossed her long legs, interlaced her fingers in her lap and gazed at the surrounding trees.

"Just what do you mean by ‘two females', Trelawney, when there are clearly three of us?" Hilda demanded.

"Indeed there certainly are three of us so I trust that you are not forgetting Sarah," Irene remarked with a meaningful glance at both Hope and Norton.

"Yes, you can not leave out Sarah," Hilda chimed in.

"But Sarah does not count as female!" Norton argued.

"Oh, yes, she does, and she's on our side, aren't you, darling?" Hilda asserted.

So saying, she moved to stand behind Sarah's chair, placing her hands on Sarah's shoulders.

Sarah reached up to place her hands on Hilda's as Irene, too, came to stand beside Hilda.

"Oh, merci, chéries!  Ma cher Hilda," she gazed fondly up at Hilda and Irene who were now flanking her on either side, "and ma cher Irene.  My dearest friends!"

In response to this display of female unity Hope gazed heavenward, threw his mallet to the ground and folded his arms.

"Trelawney, you are being thoroughly childish!  Not only that, you have insulted our dear friend Sarah.  This is not the House of Lords where you can get away with all sorts of boorish behaviour!  You will apologise to Sarah this instant!" Hilda demanded.  "On your knees!" she added.

"You, too, Godfrey!"  Irene gave her husband and partner a stern glare.

"On...  On my knees?" Hope pleaded with his wife.

"On your knees!" she reiterated.

"But...  but, darling..." he stammered.

"On your knees, Trelawney.  You know what will happen if you don't do as I say."

This threat appeared to have a most ominous ring to it as Hope promptly turned pale and went to stand before Sarah, the latter now sitting straighter in her chair, hands folded in her lap in anticipation.

"I'm waiting, Trelawney," Hilda prompted as her husband had not yet knelt down.

"Y-yes, dear."

Without further delay he proceeded to kneel before Sarah.

"I...  I most humbly apologise, dearest Sarah," he stammered, glancing up at Hilda who was gazing on him most severely, "for...  for implying that you were not female.  It...  It was most unkind of me.  Will you accept my sincere apology, dear lady?"

Sarah was most regal in bestowing her forgiveness.

"Bien sûr, chéri!  I would be only too happy to accept your most humble apology.  You may kiss my ring," she added.

Hope seemed somewhat taken aback by her request, but as she held out her hand with its bright, glittering emerald for him to kiss, he took it without hesitation, touching his lips to the ring.  In turn, she patted his head once in most queenly manner, as though in her own way conferring an honour upon him.

"All is forgiven, mon cher," she murmured, as generous and gracious in her acceptance as she was in all things.  "You may rise."

Still unaccountably nervous over his wife's threat, Hope murmured, "Thank you, dear and kind lady."

He rose to his feet, bowing once before standing aside.

A chagrined and slightly pale Norton then proceeded to kneel before Sarah and the same procedure was repeated to Irene's satisfaction.

As I observed Norton's contrite apology I could only conclude that, for these two strong, stalwart men to be so instantaneously obedient to the demands of their spouses, whatever threat that was being held over them must be very real indeed, and I could not help but ponder the nature of the aforementioned threat.

Having settled this minor contretemps the first game proceeded smoothly, Hope and Hilda winning.  True to their promise, it was women against men for the second game and to say that the competition was keen was an understatement of classic proportions.  Somehow, the thought of being bested by the fairer sex seems to bring out the basest of instincts in men.  If the ladies cheated I did not catch them at it.  If the men cheated - and we did - the ladies caught us fair and square and we were penalised accordingly.  Unfortunately, this resulted in several separate disputes as the ladies accused each of us males of breaking the rules, whereupon we hapless males accused each other of being inept enough to get caught, hence Sarah deducted points.  Naturally, in these luckless circumstances the ladies triumphed, my lovely Sarah winning hands down with a most ingenious, near-impossible shot.

It was late when our guests departed and as we waved them good-bye and their cars roared off down the driveway I was sorry to see them go - though not for long, for my lovely lady was holding out her hands to me and smiling.  As I kissed her sweet pink lips all thoughts of our friends vanished in anticipation of the delights to come.

As for the redecorating, Lady Hilda personally brought Percy Hamilton to Willow Grove and for the next week there were some lively discussions as to what should stay and what should go.  However, in the end I was obliged to acquiesce to the ladies - to be quite frank there was just no stopping them - and over the next four months the house was gradually transformed, taking on a whole bright, new look.  Even Holmes took an interest in the proceedings.  Mind you, he was forced to take on some cases that he considered to be entirely beneath his dignity in order to pay for the new furnishings.

Sarah confided to me later that the very shrewd Hilda - what a politician she would have made! - who had attended both Harold's and Mycroft's funerals and read the scrolls with their references to love and willow trees, had, in spite of her initial disbelief, deduced that there was something more to the friendship between those two distinguished gentlemen.

Discreet inquiries as to the nature of the threats that both Irene and Hilda seemingly held over their spouses proved interesting.  In the case of Hope, Hilda had confessed that he had once made love to her on the desk in his office in Whitehall and was subsequently mortified lest his colleagues in that august establishment should discover this indiscretion.  In the case of Norton, Irene confessed that he had once been accused by a fellow lawyer of unethical conduct - to wit, glancing through the prosecution's papers.  Worse still, he sucked his thumb in his sleep.  Of course, this information will never pass my lips.

As for the resident ghosts, I gathered from Mrs. Galston that they heartily approved of the renovations, especially since we had decided to keep their favourite chairs by the fire, of which Holmes and I were also most fond.

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