Storms of Autumn by Clonesgirl
Note: This is set many years in the future and is a tale of old companions. Definitely no death.
A half moon low on the western horizon shone briefly through layers of jagged cloud, illuminating trees now almost stripped of their summer leaves, their branches standing starkly silver in the wan light. A cold gust of wind lashed at the branches, bending them this way and that. The last petals fell from a trellis of peach-coloured roses and the dead leaves covering the ground were whipped into a frenzy and sent dancing on their way, only to come up short against the solid stone walls of a two-storey house. The dry, rustling drifts were illuminated by a shaft of golden lamplight emanating from a tall window. Through a small gap in the drapes a cosy living room could be seen, the occupants seated before the fire.
The elder man wore his long, grey hair tied back in a queue in the style of naval officers of years gone by. His face, reflected in the firelight, was weathered by sea, wind and battle. In the fashion of years past he wore knee breeches and stockings with warm and comfortable civilian clothing. The couch was pulled up close to the fire as he often complained that he felt the cold in his bones now that he was older.
His companion appeared to be barely of forty years of age, though was in fact older. There were still streaks of gold in his light brown hair which had once been blonde. Although a distinguished captain with many years of honourable service to his credit, he had forsaken his commission to care for his companion some three years earlier.
The room itself was tastefully decorated in shades of blue, cream and gold. On the walls were depicted various ships of His Majesty's navy, the most prominent of them all a large portrait of 'Indefatigable', the frigate which, all these years later Edward Pellew, now Viscount Exmouth, still considered to be the luckiest ship he had ever commanded. However, the most striking portrait of all hung over the large fireplace. Their figures illuminated by a shaft of sunlight, Captain Pellew and two of his officers, Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower and Lieutenant Archie Kennedy were depicted braced staunchly on the deck of a ship. Behind them the English naval ensign fluttered against a threatening background depicting a rising sea and a dark and stormy sky. It had been a gift from their friend William Stansford of Stansford Towers and was by one of the many young artists whom he sponsored.
"Edward?"
"Hm?"
"It will be so good to see Horatio."
The older man smiled. "Yes. It has been some time."
Archie smiled at him. "I know how much you miss him."
His companion remained silent, gazing into the fire. After a moment he reached out to cover the older man's hand.
"Shall I read to you?"
The retired admiral had spectacles but detested wearing them and often prevailed on his younger companion to read to him.
"Not tonight, my dear. I think I would just like to sit here for a while."
"Of course."
The older man turned to his younger companion. His eyesight was no longer what it once was but he could see enough, and his memory was still sound. The man who sat close to him was no longer the golden-haired youth that he had first met. That had been more than twenty years ago now. So much had happened in their lives since the day two handsome young mids had come aboard his old ship back in '93. 'Indefatigable' had long sailed into history, but his memories of her would live on. His tenure as her captain had changed his life forever for it was then that he had done the unthinkable - he had taken a lover aboard ship. Such a lover as he had never known and yet from the first day he had set eyes on Midshipman Horatio Hornblower he had realised that there was something very special about him. He had not known then how very much he would come to love him, let alone that the dear and beautiful boy would come to feel the same way about him. He should have rejected him, but he had not. He could not, no matter that he had tried - Lord, how he had tried! - but he had let his heart rule his head, and what price had he not paid for it, his conscience troubling him for many years. Even worse, he had committed the unpardonable sin of taking a second lover, Hornblower's dearest friend Archie Kennedy. His beloved Archie, who now sat quietly by his side gazing into the fire.
"Archie, I wish..."
Archie turned to him.
"What do you wish, Edward?"
"I wish you would consider remarrying."
"Edward, we have been all through this many times. You urged me to marry Estelle because she had fallen in love with me. You wanted me to have a family and be happy." He stroked Edward's hand. "I knew though. I knew deep down that it was impossible. I could not make her happy."
"Because of me."
"Because she wanted to live in London so we could have a social life and I could not bear it. Most of all I could not bear to be without you. It made it impossible for me even to visit you, not that you wanted me to." He shook his head at the memory. "Oh, I tried to be sociable; tried to be something I was not. It was a charade that felt as if it would go on forever. I was imprisoned and I had to get out." He studied his companion. "You already know all this, Edward. Why do you bring it up now?"
"Because I want you to think about it after I'm gone."
Archie pressed a finger to Edward's lips. "Don't say that."
"But we must speak of it, Archie. You could remarry. You are still young enough - and, God knows, handsome enough!" he added.
"Edward, I already have one failed marriage, I have no desire to make the same mistake again. At least she's happy now," he mused, "and she has the family she wanted."
"And Horatio..."
"Edward, you're not going to suggest that Horatio marry again too."
"That was different, his wife died."
"Edward, had she lived, even had the child lived, it would not have worked. He was never happy and we all knew it. He longed to be with you again."
Edward smiled a little sadly.
"I know now I was wrong to insist he endeavour to make his marriage a success."
"And he thought so much of that idea that he went to sea and stayed there."
"I thought it was for his own good," his companion defended. "I wanted him to have a family. He would make a good father."
"He tried, Edward. We both tried, at your behest, to lead other lives, to be things we were not." He shook his head. "To be the kind of people we were never meant to be. Most of all, to love women who, through no fault of their own, could never satisfy us. We tried and we failed."
"Forgive me. I only wanted to secure some future happiness for you both."
"Edward, I have long forgiven you, you know that. Horatio doesn't blame you either. We both understand why you did it. Anyway, we all learnt lessons." Edward gazed steadily at him as he continued. "I learnt that to have to deceive another is to live without honour. Estelle deserved better than a husband who could not even fulfil her wish for a child."
Edward pulled back to gaze intently at him.
"Archie, are you saying...?"
Archie nodded glumly as his partner looked on in dismay.
"But... but I had assumed you..."
"Enjoyed conjugal bliss with my wife?" He gave a quiet snort of derision. "Well you assumed wrong."
"Archie, you have never told me this before. Why did you not tell me?"
"Cannot you see I was ashamed? I could not even satisfy my own wife. Small wonder she turned to another. It was then that I realised things were truly hopeless, and I left never to return."
The older man's face was stricken as he took his companion's hands.
"Archie, I was so wrong. I should never have made you get married. I was only thinking of your future."
"I know. You did what you thought was right." He lifted his companion's weather-worn hands to his cheek. "It's in the past now." A smile flitted across his handsome features. "Anyway, we had quite a reunion. Do you remember the day I returned?"
A somewhat rueful smile crossed his companion's face.
"How could I forget!"
Archie smiled.
"I told you my sham marriage was over and you turned your back to me and walked over to the window."
"I was sad that your marriage had failed but I still hoped to persuade you to give it another try, and..."
"And?"
"And I was deeply shamed that a part of me - a vile, secret part that I condemned to hell - rejoiced at your return."
"And how glad I am that you possess that 'vile, secret part'!" Archie smiled. "I remember you argued with me. You tried to tell me to leave you and return to my wife at once."
"I remember. It was the one time we almost came to blows."
"You grabbed me by the arm and tried to march me out the door."
"Only you wrenched my hand away and grabbed me by my lapels. I resisted but..."
Archie grinned, his blue eyes alight. "... but I defied you - and I kissed you!"
"Yes. And I knew at that moment that I was lost; that *we* were lost, for I had missed you so dreadfully," he shook his head, "and I could no longer resist you."
"I remember. I kissed you hard and you were still resisting. We were both panting ... and then I felt it. I felt the moment your resistance ceased and you stopped pushing me away... and your arms came around me almost crushing me." He grinned at the memory. "You kissed me and damn near devoured me - and I knew I had won. You could not resist me any more than I could resist you, and I was so grateful."
"And all I could think was may God forgive my weakness for I wanted you so much at that moment."
Archie chuckled.
"The next thing I knew I was kneeling on all fours and you were ploughing into me."
"I hurt you."
Archie smiled at the memory. "You were somewhat rough, but I wanted it. Dear God, I wanted it! It was what I had needed and missed so much."
"I remember afterwards I was bitterly ashamed. Instead of marching you out the door and back to your wife I had given in to my own base desires and, worse, I had hurt you. I had actually hurt you - and that I would never forgive myself for."
"I am sturdy, Edward. Besides, I wanted it." He smiled. "It was what we both needed."
"And that made it all right?"
"Yes, my love. I had six months worth of misery and frustration built up inside me. I wanted to hit you for daring to order me out of your house when I loved you so much. If I had not kissed you, if you had not fucked hell out of me when you did, we might have killed each other."
Edward shook his head ruefully.
"To cleave to one's own sex can be a dangerous undertaking."
"Only when desires are thwarted." Archie appeared thoughtful. "Besides, we have both faced far more danger than a mere fight."
"Touché! And yet I would rather be on 'Indefatigable' facing a score of French corvettes than fight with you. You are a skilled fighter, my dear, and quite lethal."
Archie kissed his companion's hands. "Only with our enemies. Anyway, why did you not remarry yourself? You could have."
"You know."
"Yes. It was the same for all of us, and I wonder if I had chosen to stay with Horatio after our time on the Indy would you have remarried? Perhaps had a family?"
Edward shook his head. "We spent so many years at sea."
"It's the same for all of us, Edward. Besides, you know how much Horatio loves you, and he always has."
"But I'm no longer the man he..." Pellew paused, the words he had been about to utter choking in his throat.
"...fell in love with. Can you not say it, Edward, even after all these years?"
Edward looked at him, reaching out to stroke his hair. "What would you have me say, my dear?"
"The truth: that Horatio fell madly, hopelessly in love with a brave and honourable man - a damned handsome one too - and he has never stopped loving you and never will."
The older man reached for him then, and Archie was only too glad to take him in his arms.
"You... You don't think he still comes to visit just from a sense of duty?"
"Pish tosh! You would know. We both would. Horatio adores you still, Edward - as I do," he added quietly. "Knowing you, loving you, has brought us both riches beyond measure." He traced kisses across his lover's weatherbeaten brow, bringing a smile to the older man's face. "Look at him now - an Admiral. You gave him that, dearest Edward. You gave him that."
"Nonsense! It was his own abilities. He is a superb commander."
"No, Edward, it was *you* who gave him that. Yes, he always had those qualities but it was you who brought them out in him. You gave him the confidence he so desperately needed after his experiences aboard 'Justinian'. No one else could have given him that. He is what he is today because of you."
"You flatter me, my dear."
"I speak the truth, Edward, you know that."
As his lover's dark eyes met his own, Archie smiled at him - a smile so full of love that it brought tears to his eyes.
"Forgive me, my dear."
"Hush. There is nothing to forgive, my love." He pressed his cheek to the older man's thin one, rubbing it gently with his own before pressing his lips to it. "Nothing at all."
"But I am an old man, sometimes a foolish one."
"Hush. Do you think I stay with you merely from a sense of duty to a retired admiral whom I happen to admire and respect?"
His companion shook his head.
"You love me too much for your own good, Archie."
"Allow me to decide what constitutes my own good."
He rubbed his companion's back, feeling the thinness where once there had been solid muscle.
"You are so gentle, dearest Archie." Archie hugged him. "So gentle."
The odd flash of distant lightning could be seen now through the heavy drapes as the wind picked up outside, gusts now battering the tall windows and rattling them a little.
"Wretched weather!" the older man muttered.
"You mustn't worry, Edward. Horatio's ship is nowhere near England. He is not due for another week."
Edward nodded.
They were quiet for a while, each lost in his own thoughts.
"It was nice hearing from Stansford today. Shall we go and visit him at Bath?"
"As usual he expects it. Wants to show off his new tower no doubt."
Archie grinned. "He does so love towers."
"He says this one has a golden Greek lantern."
"I wish you could afford to buy Fonthill, Edward."
"Huh! Couldn't afford the upkeep. Should have captured more prize ships."
Archie chuckled.
"Still, it will be nice to see Lansdown Tower now that it's finished."
Edward sighed. "Stansford wears me out. He's so endlessly knowledgeable."
"But such delightful company."
"And he still fancies your pretty arse!" Edward accused.
Archie giggled. "You flatter me, Edward. Come, finish your cognac and let us to bed."
They toasted each other in what had long been a nightly ritual, their lips meeting gently to savour the heady taste on each other's tongue. Thunder rumbled in the distance.
"You still court me, even at my time of life."
"And why should I not? You enjoy it."
Pellew shook his head fondly.
"At my age most men have long lost interest in that particular pastime."
"How sad for them!" Archie deliberately placed his hand over his lover's crotch and fondled the swelling beneath. "But I can still raise your mainmast, sir!"
His companion's dark eyes twinkled.
"Keep that up, sir, and we'll never make it to bed!"
Archie grinned.
"Then let us go!"
Taking his companion's goblet, he placed it on the side table with his own before rising and pulling his lover to his feet. Lightning illuminated the room, shortly followed by a clap of thunder that rattled the windows as they turned out the lamps, leaving a single candle to carry with them.
The servants were long in their beds as the two long-time companions made their way upstairs, the younger man's arm around the elder as he supported him.
"My bedchamber is cold even with a fire," the older man complained.
"Edward, we go through this every year. You know very well that that's because it's a large corner room with two sets of windows. Let us move to my bedchamber for the winter. It's smaller and much easier to heat."
His companion sighed.
"Perhaps we should."
"Then let us do so tomorrow. For tonight I have no doubt that we shall survive very well in yours."
"The bed will be cold," Edward complained as they reached the landing.
"I shall make you forget the cold!" his companion challenged.
"Huh! At my age it's disgraceful," his companion grumbled.
"That you need a captain to keep you warm?"
"That I have a captain to keep me hot!"
Archie opened the door of the bedchamber for his lover.
"But I love you when you're hot and disgraceful and I fully intend to keep you that way."
"Huh!"
As they entered the bedchamber and Archie closed the door behind them thunder reverberated once more, much closer and much louder.
Edward turned to his lover.
"You know you always do, my Archie. You always keep me hot."
Archie smiled, taking him in his arms.
"Always, my Edward."
Outside the window, heavy clouds were rent by brilliant shafts of lightning as hail began to fall on the hard, dry earth. The accompanying wind stripped the last remaining leaves from the surrounding trees as their bows bent with the force of the gale.
