Departure by Clonesgirl
Part III: Remembrance and Reality
Edward Pellew's return to consciousness was gradual. The first thing he was aware of was the warmth. He remembered somehow being chilled to the bone and shivering violently, but every part of him was so very warm now that he was sure the cold could not touch him here. But where was he? Apparently in bed.
He remembered.
'Renown'! He remembered watching her departure in the cold and wet, for she was taking both Horatio and Archie with her! Dear God, they were gone now. Yes, he would see them again, but when was in the lap of the Admiralty and its arbitrary and occasionally conflicting orders. Many months might pass before both 'Indefatigable' and 'Renown' were in the same port at the same time.
He also blamed himself entirely for their current predicament, including his own. From the time Horatio and Archie had joined 'Indefatigable' as midshipmen a parting of the ways had been inevitable, though perhaps if he had been promoted to Commodore earlier he might have had some influence over their fate and their parting need not have been as abrupt and cruel as it was.
Too late now, he sighed, sitting up and gazing around the room. From the angle of the sun, it appeared to be late afternoon. He must have slept for hours, he realised. Somebody had kept the fire stoked as it burned merrily. His wet garments from this morning were nowhere to be seen, but...
Something nagged at him. He remembered, though only in snatches, the long walk back to the house in the pouring rain, how he had not wanted to enter it, even soaked to the skin and shivering as he was. He remembered Mrs. Kelly greeting him and handing him a hot drink which he had taken up to his room, and then... Then what? He could not quite seem to remember. Well, then he must have removed his wet clothing, dried himself and climbed into bed, mustn't he? And no doubt the good Mrs. Kelly had had one of the servants remove the sodden garments while he slept.
Oh, God, the dream! He had dreamt... What? It was vague; it was blurry, but somehow he was sure that he had dreamt about seeing his dear ones - and in this very room! He had dreamt that they had undressed him and put him to bed!
Dear God, if only it were true! He could have sworn that he had even felt the touch of their lips as they had bade him sleep.
A sob was torn from somewhere deep inside him and he buried his face in his hands. Somehow, it had seemed so real.
After long moments he managed to control his breathing. However, he seriously wondered how on earth he was going to get on with his life when the mere thought of them pressing sweet pink lips to his cheeks sent him into a paroxysm of grief.
Once more in control, he decided that the very idea that his dear ones had put him to bed was a fanciful but impossible notion. 'Renown' was gone, and they with it. It had only been a dream after all. He was alone now, and would be in the future; that much was certain. That was his reality, and he had to learn to live with it. He would survive. He shivered a little in spite of the room's warmth.
There were things to be done; things that he could occupy himself with. For one, there was the refitting of the Indy, and he intended to oversee that carefully, no matter that it would be deemed interference on his part. He also remembered he had planned some little extra work, to be paid for from his own funds. Now, he could not raise one iota of interest in it what so ever. He realised that he should also see to his finances and vowed to make an appointment with his prize agent; but somehow none of it seemed to matter any more. His finances were secure, he knew that; he had done well from prize ships and so had his officers and men. As for entertaining, the very thought filled him with horror. His enthusiasm, his joie de vivre, was altogether gone, leaving him as though shipwrecked and left high and dry on the rocks.
Closing his eyes once more, he lay back down and let himself drift.
He remembered a week earlier, before the weather had turned cold, they had taken the boat out on the lake. During the few short years of his marriage he had never been on the lake at all. His wife had not cared for water, so they had never used the boat. Odd, the things you discovered about people after you married them, he mused. On the other hand, his dear officers took to the lake and its comfortable little pinnace like the true seamen they were.
Archie had always laughed about that; the fact that they spent time on water even when they were on leave. He seemed to think it all a bit absurd that they could never seem to get away from water. Salt water, fresh water; what did it matter? They always seemed to be on it, or sometimes in it if it was warm enough to swim.
He smiled at a memory. He had been reclining on the cushions in the boat with his eyes closed when he had felt the gentle press of soft lips on his throat as someone lay down beside him and proceeded to openly fondle him. Lord, how delicious! He had kept his eyes closed as his garments were opened by playful fingers and he was kissed and loved to a sweet and gentle completion. His heart full, he had opened his eyes to behold blue eyes and tawny hair and he had reached up to caress the smiling face of his beloved Archie; to hold it in his hands and kiss the dear lips once more, his tongue tasting deeply of his own issue in the other's generous mouth. How glorious! he thought.
Shortly thereafter, he had observed as those same sweet lips were seized by another's as Horatio grasped Archie with singular enthusiasm to devour the taste of his own salty libation from Archie's mouth.
The boat was not a large one and he had moved over to make room for them as Horatio pounced on Archie, their bodies pushing, grinding against one another. With fingers made awkward by desire, they had opened each other's garments enough to permit the gaining of a most delicious satisfaction. As Horatio turned around, simultaneously, they had taken each other's thick and burgeoning members in greedy mouths to gorge themselves like starving men, bodies writhing on the cushions and rug. And he, Edward, had absorbed their every sigh, moan and whimper of pleasure. The fervour of their love, expressed so openly and in bright sunlight had mesmerised him.
My God, how beautiful! How he loved to watch them pleasure one another! In fact he loved watching almost as much as he loved participating. Almost.
In delight, he had reached out to fondle them, his hands tracing loving patterns on long back muscles and lower, to the firm, rounded and most attractive buttocks as he observed every touch, every laboured breath. As the small vessel rocked a little with their fevered exertions, together, his lovers had gained a delicious satisfaction and he had relished that long rapturous moment when, overcome by ecstasy, their bodies froze, before shuddering to a delicious conclusion.
Panting, they had lain there for a short while before Horatio turned himself around once more so that he was now facing the same way as Archie. Together, they had shared a smile of profound affection before turning their attention once more to him.
In that moment, he had felt such tenderness for them that he had been literally struck dumb and could not have uttered a word if his life had depended on it. He had leaned over to taste each in turn, joyfully sharing the remains of their passion.
Lying between them while they embraced and stroked him, he had known how truly privileged he was to have won the hearts of two such beautiful and intelligent young men. Most men, if they were lucky, had wives to love and children to rear, but when they went to sea, their families were left behind to fend for themselves; he, on the other hand, had officers and gentlemen whose home, like his, was the sea. Despite the hanging law and the resulting secrecy they were forced to employ, he well knew and appreciated how very fortunate he was.
Not any more. His officers had gone to sea all right, but not in his ship; not in 'Indefatigable' for she was not their ship any more. No, nor was he their captain.
He sighed. Times change, he thought, and not always for the better - at least from his point of view, his promotion be damned.
Lying there, his eyes closed, he became aware of a sound. He identified it as the slow turning of the door knob. Somebody was entering his room very quietly. No doubt Mrs. Kelly thought he still slept and did not want to disturb him. Odd though, for none of the servants would dare enter his room uninvited.
Curiosity getting the better of him, he opened his eyes to see for himself.
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