A Timely Inspection

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"Gentlemen, as you know the Admiral is coming aboard tomorrow. Due to the fact that you two are the sorriest looking officers on this entire ship, it behoves me to inspect you now. I will not have you disgracing the ship."

"Yes, sir. I mean no, sir."

"Aye, sir."

"Now let me see... Dear, oh, dear. Scorch marks, burns, tears in the fabric, missing buttons, torn lining... Good God, you two are a disgrace. Remove your coats."

<pause>

"And holes in your breeches I see! What next? More missing buttons. Ruffles torn. Stockings torn. Unsightly bulges. Mr Kennedy, you even have a buckle missing from your shoe."

"Sir, there is a..."

"Belay that! Gentlemen, I despair, I really do. You are a sorry sight. So what do you have to say for yourselves, hmm?"

"Sorry, sir. I shall have my uniform repaired and in a fit state before the Admiral comes aboard."

"I, too, sir."

"Will you indeed! I should have you both punished. Mr Hornblower? Remove your uniform. You, too, Mr Kennedy."

"Sir?"

"Gentlemen, it would seem that a further inspection is necessary for any more unsightly bulges... annnd... holes."

"Aye, aye, sir!"

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